Bee Liquors

225 Avenue B
New York, NY 10009
(212) 995-5606

4/5 stars

Bee is every bit as cheap and shitty as previous reviewers have suggested. So far everything I’ve bought there has inebriated me, to one degree or another. My credit cards always work in their machine, and there are never any smashed bottles lying around on the ground. Wine that comes out of the fridge is cold. Just don’t go to Bee’s looking for beer: it’s not that their beer is old and skunky or that the beer comes in cracked, leaking bottles; it’s that they don’t have beer.

There’s a pretty cool neon sign in the front window that says “Dewar’s Rocks.” I like the ambiguity of it. Does it mean that Dewar’s is great — that it “rocks”? Or is it referencing the “rocks” of Dewar’s — its nuts, cojones? The graphic is actually a pirate (or something) holding a guitar, which suggests a third, really stupid meaning: that Dewar’s plays rock music (?).

Incidentally, if you go to the Dewar’s website — which I just did, looking for a reproduction of the neon sign to show you — you are asked on the front page to enter your date of birth. You have to at least claim to be 21 before you’re given access to any of the site’s content. This got me pretty excited. I was expecting that the Dewar’s site would feature pictures of — at minimum — topless women drinking whisky. No, though. It just has pictures of Dewar’s in closed bottles. You have to be 21 to look at pictures of alcohol? And read about the distilling process? As a father of a 5-year-old: Thank god.

Anyway, there’s absolutely no reason not to head to Bee Liquors right now. Don’t bother if you’re after beer.

(Only Chris has been to Bee Liquors, but he thinks the other guys would agree with his frustration about the lack of boobs on the Dewar’s website.)