Category Archives: News

Lots of news is sort

Lots of news is sort of stirring itself up over here, although it may be slightly too early to divulge anything in a definite tone. Until such a tone is deemed appropriate by all the concerned parties, we will continue to report everything in the usual half-assed tones. Shall we get on with it, then?
We have been solidifying the whole recording situation, and it looks like we will be heading into the studio come early November. While inside, we will make many untoward noises and the accompanying untoward movements. When we step out, it will be with the well-founded bravado of men who are fully assured of their own brilliance. You will see. This album will be the best thing since “Free To Be (You and Me)” (ask Michael about this one). Prepare yourselves to be rocked.
The actual finished album itself will most likely not be available until around January, but you can be sure that we will be hooking you all up with the appropriate doses of mp3s and outtakes and B-sides long before then. We take care of you, because you are babies, and cannot care for yourselves. You have no idea what’s good for you. Some of you have bought albums by such bands as Limp Bizkit or certain harmonizing all-male bands from Florida. This is the equivalent of placing the palm of your hand on the burner of a hot stove. It is called a burner because it will burn you. They are called Limp Bizkit because they suck. The sooner we have taught you these lessons, the better off we will all be.

Several crucial points: Friday night

Several crucial points:
Friday night set the temporal stage for another W.A.S. grand-scale victory over at club Devious Semantics. Devious Semantics, for those of you who have shut themselves into a vault deep underground where neither news-bearing radio waves nor cable, er, cables can penetrate, is the name of the label that pays us. Not really, but they are the high-tech hotshots that have been chosen from a pool of many thousands to produce and record W.A.S.’s first full-length album.
Yes, W.A.S. will be recording a full-length album this month that will, with luck, be available in November. Please do not flood us with checks and money-orders in an effort to beat the Christmas rush; availability will be high: none who thirst shall go without drink, is our feeling around here on what would be fair.
Now: does anyone, anyone, anyone read this W.A.S. news page? We realize that failure to update may be getting you(s) down. Tangentially: is it not odd and unfortunate that, unlike the lucky european languages and possibly other languages of which we have no knowledge, english doesn’t differentiate between the singular and plural second person pronouns? Like if I say, “You’ve got to see this,” I may mean either that you, the person reading this right now, should check this thing out, or that you and the many thousands of other young hipsters reading this right now should check out this cool thing I’ve got right here in my palm-fist. So but isn’t that unfortunate, that failure to differentiate? We here at W.A.S. are deeply concerned about this issue during the current paragraph, and so we are toying with the idea of writing “you(s)” to notify you(s) and even you that we mean you(s) when we do in fact mean that. However, like underwear carefully chosen earlier that evening, this idea is being cast aside so that we can get on to more pressing things. Please take a moment to re-read the last sentence and fully explore its double-meaning.
And now allow us to recapture an earlier strand of thought: we know the never-updating that goes on in this, the news section of the W.A.S. site must really anger some of you and have an even stronger effect on the rest, but we hereby vow to update this section with much greater frequency, never less than once per week, for at least a while, until we grow weary of doing so. And do you see? Do you see how careful we are that efforts be taken to please you? We are referring of course to our use of the predicate “grow weary of doing so” three sentences ago in place of the far more common and easy to pull off “get tired of doing it” or even the autopilot-y “get shit in the brain.” Your enjoyment = in many ways, our goal. Look to see that we live up to that.
That’s an odd turn of phrase, is it not ( =iznit! )? “Look to see ___.” What the f%*$ does that mean? Did we just make that up, actually? Is that even something people say? As larger degrees of our intellectual gaze fall upon it, the idea of people using it seems less and less plausible. We obviously just made that up. If it were technologically possible to go back and delete that, and it is, then we would certainly do it; you can trust us there.
A final note: when we use the pronoun “we” to denote the author of chunks of text on this site and in emails you receive from us, a feeling of self-consciousness/loathing descends on us like a blanket of January snow, like the feeling one gets from typing out similes that involve snow. The s-c/l is a direct result of the fact that this usage reminds us of what Dave Barry sometimes does; that is, he types ‘we’s at the beginnings of sentences. The difference — and we insist that you make an attempt to understand this subtle but nevertheless absolute barrier — is that Dave Barry is one man sitting at a computer, while we are three. We don’t mean this metaphysically, like that the single one of us writing represents three people. We mean that the three of us sit here and type together. “You mean, guys, that one person types whilst the other two read over his shoulder and shout lewd action verbs?” No. We mean that I, Chris, take the keys from R/F/C left; that I, Keith, take the keys from T/G/V to I/K/M; and that I, Michael, take the keys from O/L/< right and the numerics. I, Michael, am also in charge of the 'Home', 'Insert', 'Page up/down' keys and so forth, but they are rarely used. We should note that the function keys, that is keys F1 through F12, remain to this day unassigned. God forbid we should ever need to use them, as pandemonium would be the result. Great, and so: send us mail at Tell us things, about you, your job, your life. We would like to put exerpts from emails on this page for all to see, but only if they're interesting and lyrical and not the usual offers of free sex that we receive from you people and your online porn affiliates. We feel like that can stop, although some of the links are pretty sexy, yes.

First of all, we've got

First of all, we’ve got to thank the guys in Smite for having us out to their fine whiz-bang show last week – anybody who doesn’t hate themselves needs to check their band out. Those who do hate themselves should stick with us. Speaking of which, thanks to all the new folks who’ve signed up onto this mailing list, guaranteeing themselves a lifetime of sweet rock music and even sweeter rock-like abs (check out Michael, everyone). Finally, thanks to Charles McIntosh for going above and beyond the call of duty, although some might say we’ve already thanked him enough (his booty to date: a 30-minute W.A.S. set and one (1) iced coffee beverage. We take care of our fans).
Enough chit chat. Down to business:
We will be unleashing the terror that is We Are Scientists this very Wednesday at the Lion’s Den in NYC. For those of you whose reading comprehension skills are sorely lacking, here’s the info in easy-to-read list form:
We Are Scientists
Wednesday, August 8th
at The Lion’s Den
214 Sullivan Street(Between Bleecker and West 3rd Street)
New York City
10:00pm (doors open at 8:00)
Cost: $7
We’re playing with a few other bands, who you will of course want to check out so that you can compare them unfavorably to us.
One note: in an advertisement in this week’s Village Voice, the Lion’s Den spelled our name “WeRScientists,” which spelling, although it was clearly not meant as an insult but was instead a rather pathetic space-(and, thus, money-)saving tactic, we find incredibly insulting. The Lion’s Den must be punished, preferably by having their establishment filled to capacity by fans and friends of W.A.S., which fans and friends will cheer very loudly and disturb the peace of the employees of the club. That will teach them.
Another note: this show will feature the unveiling of a brand new W.A.S. tune, which tune features the already classic lyric, “Wooo – ooo – ooohh!”. So, you see, you simply cannot afford to miss this!
That is all for now. We hope that we’ll see you on Wednesday, so that we might lavish you with affection.

First, let us thank everyone

First, let us thank everyone who signed onto our new “Rock New York Till It Crumbles Pathetically Into The Atlantic” email list. Keith actually wept at the sheer number as well as the witty witticisms of the people who responded. Thank you for letting us see Keith cry. It truly was a sight to behold.
Second, we have some shows in New York that you will all want to attend. The rock delivered at these shows will be of a unique nature. New York hasn’t seen this type of demolition before. The crowds will shed tears of relief, joy, heartbreak, and any number of other emotions. You will want to witness thousands of people weeping at once, but obviously more than that, you’ll want to witness We Are Scientists rock the ass off New York. Check out the shows page to find out how you can be a part of what is new and hip and everything like that.

Okay, people. Your brief moment

Okay, people. Your brief moment of respite from the relentless rock attack of we are scientists is now at an end. We’ve successfully transplanted ourselves from Los Angeles to New York City, where we have promptly begun taking the initial steps in our plan for a city-wide takeover (mainly, for now, that means sauntering over to the local pizza parlour, ordering up their finest slice, and, in a very threatening manner, eating it). Yes, so, we are now beginning the process of attempting to book the band in NYC’s clubs, which may take awhile, since it will mean sorting through literally thousands of letters verbalizing the desperate pleas of club owners all throughout the Tri-State area. Be patient, young ones. Our time will come. Big thanks to Charles McIntosh for his brilliant insights into the club scene out here.
Which reminds us, if you want to sign onto our mailing list, send us an email. This includes everyone who’s already on our list. In celebrating our little renaissance, we’re starting from scratch, which means dumping our entire mailing list. So, if you want to keep getting our illuminating and entertaining and (dare we say it?) life-saving emails, please drop us a line at
And if you know anybody in the New York area who you think would dig us, tell them to sign up, too. They will owe you their very souls.

For those who didn't know

For those who didn’t know (and for those who did), We Are Scientists is moving to New York. Brooklyn, to be more specific. That is, except Michael Tapper, who will be staying in Los Angeles indefinitely. Or at least until September. That’s not entirely true. It’s actually not true at all! In fact, it is Chris Cain who is not relocating immediately. Please send him email encouraging him to move ASAFP. You can send it to, but be sure to berate Chris specifically.

Hi, people – A couple

Hi, people –
A couple of corrections regarding our last email, and a few updates, too. Ready yourselves for the impact of some high-calibre WAS news. Boom.
1) Tonight, on Monday Night Live (KSPC, 88.7 fm), we will be on the air from 10:30pm until midnight. The kids at KSPC decided that in order to adequately demonstrate the crushing power of we are scientists, they’d have to increase the length of the show by 50%. They were right. We will play about 1/2 hour’s worth of music, and we’ll also answer questions on the air. Please call. We miss you. Hint: we specialize in offering advice in the arena of love. You need our help. We will save your relationship.
2) In our last email, we indicated that our show with Matt Nathanson would be our last show in Claremont. We lied. Boy, did we lie! We now have not one but two (2) shows coming up in Claremont. The first is at Pitzer College’s annual Kahoutek Music Festival (it doesn’t matter if we spelled it correctly – when we are done, it will be called We Are Scientists’ Slap-Happy Sing-Along). We’re not sure who else is playing, but Kahoutek is always good. Here’s that info:
Saturday, April 21
Pitzer College
Claremont, CA
we go on at or around 2:30pm
cost: free
The second show is also at Pitzer College (that makes three shows at Pitzer in as many weeks – can they get enough? The answer, of course, is “no.”) We’re part of another all-day music festival called Groove at the Grove, which will also feature folks like Jonah (of Far and Onelinedrawing fame) and Geggy Tah, among many others. These are good people. But that doesn’t mean that we’ll refrain from unleashing our particular brand of fury upon them. And you. Be there.
Friday, April 27
Pitzer College
Claremont, CA
time: 2:00pm SHARP!
cost: free, again. we are too good to you.
3) Contrary to many reports, Michael was NOT named as People Magazine’s “Sexiest Man Alive” for the first quarter of 2001. He came in second.
That is all.
We love you.