Technology

Technology, all in all, is a good thing. People will tell you the opposite; they’ll say, “Technology killed my rabbits,” or, “Technology is so dumb that I hate it,” or, in one case I personally witnessed, “Technology fucking killed my six cats, man.” You’ll find without fail, if you care to inquire, that these people are veritable morasses of resentment, resentment of their own inability to effectively interact with technology. “Take a class,” I usually tell them. “You killed your rabbits, not technology, when you put them in the ‘Rabbit Merry-go-round’, which is in fact nothing of the kind.” It was a Microwave, this so-called ‘Rabbit Merry-go-round’, and that person has to live with what she did forever.
Technology’s coolest development of recent years is inarguably The Innernet. The question has become, “What can’t you find on The Infranet?” Check this out. And this. And this, for chrissakes!! One of my favorite things in the world is taking a lazy stroll through the verdant, efflorescent, naked-pussy-laden fields of The Iggernet. So much to see!! So much to learn!!
Those who would blame Technology for the planet’s woes (I’m talking to you, Luddites! And you, Animalia!) would do well to imagine their world without Technology. Let’s have a look: You wake up in the morning, roll out of bed, and have a nice, big stretch. Aaaaaarrrrrggh — that feels nice! A peak out the window reveals a perfectly lovely, smog-free morning (Smog? What’s that?) and — OH SHIT!! Oh shiiiiiiit! Judging by the position of the sun, you should have been at work two hours ago! And worse, this is the twentieth time this month you’ve been late, because ALARM CLOCKS DON’T EXIST. You throw on some crooked, handwoven, scratchy-wool clothes and run to the kitchen to grab a little something to eat. Options for breakfast this morning: smoked meat; two-day old, preservative-free, rock-hard bread; other, older smoked meat. Looks like smoked meat! And you might as well pack a lunch — a rock-hard smoked meat sandwich sounds delish! Now out the door OF YOUR CAVE and off to find the rest of your work crew who, like you, are hunter-gatherers that wander the unspoiled countryside picking berries and occasionally slaying a rabbit with callused-past-all-sensation hands or a well-cast stone. Ahh, sweet life! Sweet life absent Technology!
Not for me, thanks. I like Technology. I love what it’s done with the place. I like a digital watch on my wrist, treasure chest-shaped purple marshmallows in my cereal, concert tickets that vanish of embarassment when exposed to a photocopier’s fascistic inspection. I like space blankets (and I use them all the time). I think the George Foreman Grill has been a big help. In terms of Chemistry, as a field, I laud the following technological advancements: acetone, shampoo, Excedrin, Mountain Dew, penicillin, Sunkist, Dr. Pepper, the various colas and their cherry isotopes. And I salute Physics for bringing us black holes, supernovae, the moon, lightspeed space travel, “beaming” as a viable and cheap alternative to commercial airlines. I admit to not knowing what Geology does nor why we continue to fund it.
Technology receives high marks from this reviewer, and I can only hope that some of you will start to come around to its numerous merits.