Robert Rodriguez Presents Presents Johnny Depp

Johnny Depp is always a hoot to watch in a feature film, but never moreso than when a director scraps his original intentions for a movie, rolls film on Depp for an afternoon, and cuts the results together into a two hour highlight reel. The new Rodriguez movie does exactly that, and the results are amazing. At one point Johnny Depp claws out his own eyes or something. He changes clothes like thirty times–an unnecessary but appreciated perk.
The one downside of the movie is that Rodriguez occasionally splices in footage from Desperado; this he does for reasons I can’t guess at — I’m no Hollywood insider. But if you love Johnny Depp, hate not-Johnny Depp, and Pirates of the Carribean has left theaters in your town and is not yet out on video, definitely see Robert Rodriguez Presents Johnny Depp.
Michael reviews The Reviews Page
Oh my word, this page is a mess. I mean, it’s pretty empty but quite a mess no less. First of all, there’re typos everywhere. Well, they aren’t exactly typos, I guess, but it shouldn’t say (Movie Reviews) at the top of the page because we decided that we’re going to review more than just movies, if movies at all. Which explains the erroneousness of the first post, “movie postage coming so soon”. In my defense, I merely posted that as a test and under the assumption that this page would contain movie reviews. Still, at this point, it’s as good as a lie. A lie that has seeped into the very physical being of the page itself – in the HTML file’s name on our server! What sloppy planning!
And poor execution: the current title of this page is “the location station,” which the observant sci-cave-peruser will immediately recognize as the title of our shows page. Whant? The reason, of course, is that the template of this page was copied directly from the template of our shows page. An efficient maneuver, sure, but one with no excuse for half-assedness, given its simplicity.
Content-wise, there’re an astounding number of errors for a page with only 33 words (title included) and no complete sentences.
Aesthetically, it’s pretty boring. White background and Garamond text of varying sizes and boldnesses. And it’s got the link to the hit-counter right there in the middle of the page. How tacky. The only possibly exciting characteristic of the page, in this reviewer’s opinion, is rendered powerless by the very lack of content mentioned in the the previous paragraph. The viewer cannot scroll down and watch the floating sidebar float! Travesty upon sloppy travesty! The only possibly redeeming quality of the page nixed by the sheer laziness of its creators. Hence, this review.
If I were to review the page immediately after this review was posted, the content alone wouldn’t earn it a more favorable rating (if, also, the review contained a rating), but the floating sidebar, people. It’s in the sidebar, where the magic resides. (I mean, like: Where does the magic reside? In the sidebar.) Its beauty is like that of the doomed fly buzzing happily toward the dung lying just beyond the spider’s web, of the disinterested breeze sailing through sails torn by looting pirates, of the plumber’s crack blushing as its proprietor unwittingly exposes the privacy of a strange family’s kitchen to its hungry yet modest eyes. By which I mean the sidebar’s beauty is not readily apparent to some people. Like, for instance, Keith and Chris don’t think it’s all that, which I take to mean that it has a nuanced greatness, imperceptible to the ignorant hordes and the hardened of heart.