Chris reviews NEW YORK CITY’S WEATHER

Holy sweet narcoleptic jesus, what the sonofabitching fuck is going on here? We’ve returned from recording to find that the temperature in New York is literally 50 DEGREES LOWER than in LA.
IQ quiz, first question: These two major cities have a temperature difference of 50 fucking degrees. Answer: Um, Baghdad and Camp Shackleton, Antarctica? Wrong!
As I shuffled down the sidewalk today, I heard a guy bluster to his friend, apropos of the cold: “It actually doesn’t bother me. I actually find it invigorating.” That’s a lie. This weather is deadly. This weather is invigorating if you’re a seal, not if you’re a man. If you’re a man, this weather is the grim reaper’s icy breath, and you know it.
Thermometers fear this weather. Here is a graphical representation of what the weather is doing to thermometers:

Small dogs don’t freeze in this weather, they explode. You come in from a ten minute walk to find that your body is full of blood-flavored slurpee. Meteors that have just had 80% of their mass burned off squeezing through earth’s atmosphere land cold to the touch. In this weather, the most ardent, anguished, burning love turns into a small bowling ball.