His Building's Cafeteria

Almost every day, I eat in my 50-something-floor office building’s 8th floor cafeteria. For the first couple months at my job, I didn’t know that my building had a cafeteria, so I would always walk five or six blocks to a row of restaurants and pay $7-8 for some mediocre NY-fast-food (Burritoville, Dunlop & McMullen’s Soup and Sandwich Bar or whatever, etc.). Then one day, my co-worker introduced me to our building’s cafeteria, supplied by our landlord and business partner, JP Morgan Chase. I was both excited to finally make this discovery and annoyed that no one had told me earlier. To get there, although I work on the 5th floor, I have to take an elevator down to the lobby, walk half a block down the hall, and take a separate elevator up to the 8th floor. For some reason, my elevator only goes up to the 6th floor. Sometimes, though, if you’re lucky, it’ll go up to the 7th floor, stop but not open, and then take you down to whatever floor you requested. I think if it opened, you would probably see the face of God and die. Yesterday, on my way up to the 5th floor, the elevator went up to 4, then went back down to the lobby, paused, and then went up to the 5th floor. That kind of stuff is often the highlight of my day.
The cafeteria overall is not a bad guy. The food’s okay and reasonably priced, and the ambience is all you could hope from a large banker-filled room flanked on one side by a wall of windows overlooking Park Ave and on the other by library-shelf-print wallpaper. Definitely a step up from my college’s dining hall, which wasn’t a bad dining hall, but only one step.
I’d like to give a well-rounded review of the cuisine, but unfortunately, I only ever eat two dishes there. If it’s not salmon day, then I have an order of onion rings and a soda. The salmon is almost always delish. Tender and juicy. Yummy in my tummy. It comes with either rice or noodles, and some kind of vegetables. The vegetables are usually not very good, a little undercooked and a little bland for my tastes, which kind of pisses me off. Since salmon day only happens once a week, I usually eat onion rings. To be completely honest, I sometimes get an order of fries instead. The onion rings are really hit or miss at this joint (as is the soda, weirdly), so the fries would be a safer bet, cause they’ve got less variation, but when the rings’re good, and you never know when that’ll be until you sit down at your table and open the Styrofoam gift-box, they totally blow away the fries. It’s Happy Time. Sometimes, though, and almost an equal amount of the time, the rings are pretty bad, overcooked and kind of crunchy/chewy. They often seem like they’ve been sitting under the heat lamp for a few days. Also, the Styrofoam box is usually partially melted on the inside from the searing-hot onion ring grease, which is fairly worrisome but which doesn’t really correlate with the quality of the ring. I choose to trust that Corporate America has carefully determined that melted Styrofoam cannot harmfully infect my food. Regardless of the day’s onion ring quality, I proceed with abandon to souse my rings in a mixture of 5 parts ketchup and 1 part mayo, a trick that tastefully compliments a superb onion ring while effectively compensating for a disastrous one, not to mention the added nutrients it provides.