You rumpled old octopi:
It’s been some time since we checked in with you all in any formal capacity. Sure, we’ve paid visits to most of you at your homes, bringing with us either a nice fruit tray or a nice-enough bottle of wine or some unexpired warm milk, depending on the time of day. And we wiled away the evening hours in the cozy confines of your living rooms, dens, bedrooms, bathtubs. And it was pleasant — much was discussed — and you got to know us better as people, and we you, and 99% of the time it was a thing to remember fondly. And occasionally the street out front would end up swimming in the red and blue light of all manner of emergency vehicles, and we’d have to get our friend the Senator on the horn just to avoid jail time, and this was all of a piece.
But it’s been a while, has it not, since we addressed you in bulk? Since we went on the record in a way that would make it impossible to deny having said what we said? Since the facts were spelled out in plain English??
Well it’s time to do just that. Here, for the record, is most of what we’ve been doing lately:
(1) Working on songs for the new album (tentatively titled “YOU ASK YOU FIND OUT FUCKED UP SECRET”).
(2) Chilling out in the manner popularized by the islands.
(3) Smoking various doobs.
(4) Kicking it irie with fellow members of our same gang.
(5) Urgently nailing down a marg recipe.
(7) Just like thinking about stuff.
But it’s been primarily (1), rest assured. Let us be the first of many revered critics to assert that the songs on our next album are top balls. They are fuggin, like, yep. Kay guys? Stop worrying about the new songs. Don’t care what anybody told you, no matter how much of an insider he was, no matter even if it was one of us individually: these songs are tip top, mountain top balls, believe it.
Couple of additional facts:
(1) Michael is living in LA, killing it, murdering the scene. Why’d he go? He heard they had great pizza. The irony is that the person who told him that was actually thinking of New York — it’s New York that has great pizza, not LA. And get this, full circle: New York is exactly where Michael moved from, guys. New York, where the good pizza actually is, as opposed to LA. LA, where Michael moved looking for good pizza, ironically.
(2) The new album (tentatively titled “Collective Soul”) is being produced by Ariel Rechtsaid ( DJ name: “Server Wars”; not “DJ Server Wars”; “Server Wars”). Ariel is the total same dude who recorded our last album, so don’t worry, if you enjoyed our last album, this new one should be very much to your liking indeed! Of course, if you thought the last album was only okay, bear in mind that Ariel has made big changes to his producing approach. And if you hated the last album, realize that with this new album, both we and Ariel have aimed to do every last thing completely differently, right down to recording on cotton fabric instead of onto a computer. T-shirt material. It sounds real good, trust us, or we wouldn’t do it. And if you didn’t even know we released an album, or that we’re a band, then you’re going to love this next album.
(3) We’ll be recording the new album, tentatively called “DJ Server Wars”, in the San Francisco Bay Area. Complete with sailing and land, this area has all to offer.
(4) Chris’s boy Dashiell continues to flourish and grow on a steady diet OF DOG BRAINS, believe it or not:
(5) We’re playing the Siren Festival in New York later this summer, and then the [Carling Brand Of Canned Beer] Reading & Leeds Festival later on in August. If that isn’t a full live schedule, we simply do not know what is.