News
- Couple of shows for (some of) ya!December 31st, 2009View
-
Here are the facts:
Jan 20, 2010 Johnny Brenda’s, Philadelphia, PA
Jan 21, 2010 Black Cat, Washington, DC
Jan 23, 2010 Maxwell’s, Hoboken, NJBut of course, there’s so much more to it than that. Sometimes facts are like medium-sized rocks sitting there on the floor of the jungle: you turn the rock over, and yeah, sometimes there’s just dirt underneath. But other times maybe there’s a wild little polychromatic swarm of insects and worms, or a piece of paper folded many times, or a key! And which rock-overturner has not at one time or another discovered a treasure chest or a diamond ring or even the door to an underground suite of rooms appointed with devices and technologies that could only have come from a distant utopian future??
And so if you overturn the rock near the top of this post, what will you discover? That at these shows, we will not be drunkenly croaking out a bunch of 90′s radio-rock covers! That at these shows, we won’t be settling even for a bunch of tunes we wrote years ago which, admittedly, have become cultural touchstones! No, at these shows, attendees will be treated to nothing less than our drunken croaking of probably at least half of our forthcoming third music album! Sure, we’ll pound through the classics: your Nobody Move’s, your After Hours’s, your Cheetah Lick’s — but at evening’s end, the bulk of your ball-tripping will have directly resulted from hearing forthcoming hits such as Rules Don’t Stop, I Don’t Bite, Nice Guys, and Foreign Kicks. Caveat: Unless you take a drug pill(s)! If you take a drug pills, you’ll be tripping more leaden balls than most of the audience, and the lion’s share of your trip will owe itself to a drug pills.
More on that forthcoming album (spring ’10) and related issues (international touring, touring more than a 4 hr. drive from our practice space) coming soon.
In the meantime, have a great new year celebration, pop a drug pills, drive a car around, party, and remember to go see the latest movie, Avatar!
- Happy Halloween, Motherf*%k#@sOctober 30th, 2009View
-
Hello! It’s been a nice Halloween season for motherf*%k#@s, we think you’ll agree. Here are a couple of season-appropriate images you can stare at for a minute to get yourself in the mood:
A squirrel fell from Heaven.
Birth of Athena.
St. Patrick's Day? Take a closer look... It really is Halloween-appropriate, reveals a closer look!
Now that you’re in a more satanic mood, we’d like to share with you some very good news: MTV didn’t cancel Steve Wants His Money!! We’re as surprised as you are – perhaps more so, since we’ve had longer to be convinced that cancellation was assured. But no, they didn’t cancel it at all, so episode two is going to air this Sunday at 22:55 on MTV in the UK. Just to tell you a little bit about this week’s show, it’s called “The £85 Beat” (or “Grandma’s Keyboard”) and it features hip hop sensation Kano. It’s two parts razzle, one part dazzle, and anybody who isn’t already hooked is probably going to remain unsure. People who already love SWH$ will not be dissuaded, though – that’s for certain.
The good news doesn’t end there. Next week – November 5, to be exact – Mr. Andy Burrows touches down in New York and the three of us resume work on the new record. Andy has been laying down hot meat (“tracking”, in industry-speak) for his solo record in London, but it’s time to take a break from that, and he knows it, and we all planned it in advance, so it’s not a big surprise or anything – it’s time to work on the W.A.S. record (tent. titled “Vagabond Marathonned”).
Finally, we’ve re-opened our Advice section. You’re invited to submit riddles, pleas for assistance, intellectual inquiries, and zen koans. We can’t be stumped! Not by people, anyway. Falcons drive us crazy with their capriciousness, their near-random behavior… You, however! You we know from first page to last. You we had figured out weeks ago. Try us.
- Steve Wants His Money Premiers TonightOctober 25th, 2009View
-
Dear fans who can read,
Tonight is a big night for fans of short-form comedy that stars members of bands. That’s because at either 22:55 or 23:55 this evening, our emotionally sophisticated new show Steve Wants His Money premiers on MTV in the UK. (The reason for the confusion about air time is simply a matter of this show being so red-hot to the touch that the folks at MTV are having a hard time handling it! They sent an intern out to buy metaphorical oven mitts, but he’s hasn’t come back yet! So everybody keeps dropping our show in unpredictable places!)
So here are the specifics on how Steve show will roll out: every Sunday night for the next seven weeks a new episode will premier on MTV (the main channel, guys). Throughout the ensuing six days, the new episode will repeat on the various MTV networks: MTV, MTV2, Base, Hits, Dance and MTVR. We think the show is going to appear in programming guides, but it may appear as “We Are Scientists present… Steve Wants His Money” or simply “Lil MTV”, which is the umbrella name for MTV’s big foray into funny short programming.*
As we get more accurate info, we’ll feed it to this website and to Twitter and to the print version of Time Magazine. That includes details on when Steve show will be viewable outside the U.K. (shouldn’t be too long…). Anyway, take a look and let us know what you think in the comments section of this very goddamn post!
* Other shows that MTV has commissioned for Lil MTV include Snuffed Out Too Soon, a show about people, mostly homeless people, mostly kids, who were killed on camera in snuff films; and Nailed In The Caboose, a historical survey of famous men and women who at one time or another were sodomized. Snuffed Out Too Soon is hosted by Robbie Williams, and Nailed In The Caboose — we’ve heard — is being hosted by Jack White(!). Haven’t seen either, but they sound LOL.
- Hey! Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! Hey!October 20th, 2009View
-
What do you think of our new site, fans? Yes, it’s pretty spare. We want to openly admit as much right out of the box. “Right out of the box”? Is that the right phrase? That sounds pornographic as fuck. “Pornographic as the word ‘fuck’” is what we’re saying, just so you understand. Cuz guys, what’s more porno than fuckin? Right? Maybe knee sex. Oh, huh? Huh, huh? What’s that? You haven’t heard the latest? You haven’t heard about what people are doing in the back alleys? About what they’re doing when they get dog piss injected into their spines? Well, listen up: knee sex. That’s the latest.
Here’s the straight skinny: we’re so busy with making a new record and trying to break into the TV market that we have precious little time to maintain the kind of website that you have come to expect from us. So we’re downscaling. JUST FOR THE TIME BEING, YOU JERKS! GIVE US A BREAK, YOU FIVE DUDES WHO READ OUR WEBSITE!
You see, as we make the record this fall, and blast open the TV industry’s doors, our wearescientists.com is undergoing a major overhaul. Come late December or early January — call it January 1st! Come January 1st (or earlier or later), we will introduce the biggest and best website since AltaVista.com. AltaVista.com — never forget! — is the website that brought everybody searchable yogurt. Our new site will be no less significant. Indeed, it will feature a nostalgic yogurt search function, in addition to show dates, ticket links, pictures of puma butts, animés of knee sex, and all the rest of the stuff you associate with Microsoft and We Are Scientists, as well as Sears.
In the meantime, a word of advice? Read our blog. Look at (and subscribe to) our Twitter feed (see sidebar). Buy our shitty junk off our merch page — also, just in time for Christmas, check out our soon-to-be-introduced junky shit, on the same page (see that sidebar!). AND: live your life! Yes, live your life! Because in two months or so, WAS.com is going to relaunch, and it’s going to subsume Google and BarnesandNoble.com and all the rest, and you’re going to be spending *five hours a day talking on the phone to your friends about our website*. So take this little bit of time now, while we’re offering it. Start a hobby! You won’t have time to master it — hell no — but you can start something and figure out whether it’s something you’d like to casually pretend to be into when you’re chatting at bars.
Finally: Stay tuned for major news in the next day or two. About us, that is! Obviously you can go to the marvelous nytimes.com or yahoo.com/googlenews any day of the week and find major news. But by week’s end, you can expect a little bit of local major news, if you see what we mean.
- BRAIN THRUST MASTERY, week 1March 23rd, 2008View
-
Guys, holy fucking shit, we did it. We did it. We released an album and meeted our goal of landing it SQUARELY IN THE TOP 11. Yes, bitches, we have a top 11 album. Brain Thrust Mastery, at the conclusion of its initial week of sales in the UK, is at number 11, or as we’re choosing to write it from now on, number !!.
Seriously, though, what are some interesting facts about 7-11? It turns out there are a few. Did you know that 7-11, besides selling snacks and sundries, has dipped its barbed quill into the movie rental (“Movie Quik”), gasoline (“Citgo”), and cell phone (“Speak Out Wireless”) markets? That’s right, 7-11 sells snacks!
Fact 2: Japan has more 7-11 stores than any other country — by a comfortable margin. Of the 28,123 7-11 stores responding to a survey last year, 11,500 are in Japan. 1400 are in Tokyo alone! To put this into perspective, Japan is super small.
What’s most interesting to us about 7-11, though, is that they’re active sponsors in their community (the world). They sponsor a basketball team, a cycling team, a race car. Their sponsorship of the Chicago White Sox entails the Sox beginning each home game at 7:11 or 7:12, despite the fact that official start time for Midwestern baseball games is around 7:10.
What we’d love to see is for 7-11 to sponsor this band. Why? Our album is at 11, for one. And with 7-11’s marketing dollars, we’re confident we can keep the album between 7 and 11 for the rest of the year (2007!). Notice, too, that the album has 11 songs. Finally, there are 7 people in our band, each playing 11 instruments over the course of a normal show. If you’re reading this and think this would be a good idea — i.e., something mutually beneficial to W.A.S. and to the 7-11 Corp. — please tell the 7-11 Corp., because we’re ready to do it.
- He is the lawMarch 20th, 2008View
-
One cool thing about driving around Britain doing in-stores, which is what we’re doing this week, is that you have plenty of time to watch the movies that you buy with the credit they give you at the stores you perform in. Here is just a taste of what we’ve been watching:
Judge Dredd*
Rambo 1-3*
Cobra*
Cyborg*
Double Impact*
Executive Orders*
Out For Justice*
Above The Law (or Nico)*
Under Siege*
Under Siege II*
On Deadly Ground*If it seems like we’ve been focusing on Sylvester Stallone’s work, Jean Claude Van Damme’s important work, and the work of Steven Seagal, that’s because we don’t give any shit about anybody else. We literally, guys, don’t give A FUCK about anybody else or the “work” they’re doing.
If it’s been a while since you last watched the movies listed above, now is the time to refresh. We’ve marked with an asterisk the films that are absolutely crucial viewing for any thinking person who’s alive in 2008 and cares about art. To be honest, we weren’t initially convinced that Executive Orders deserved an asterisk. What happens in Executive Orders is that Steven Seagal dies in minute 22. When it happened, we grabbed the van’s steering wheel and drove straight into a fuel tanker we were so angry. In awarding the film a star, our thinking is: “This film has 22 minutes more Steven Seagal than 70% of the movies out there — let’s give it an asterisk.”
But all the other movies on the list are tied for first place in Art, probably even in the broader category of Work. These are simply great films. Take Cobra, for instance. Sylvester Stallone plays General Marion Cobretti, a cop with an attitude and absolutely zero tolerance for street scum. Cobra (as his kids call him) shoots first, killing his target, and asks questions later, trying to ascertain whether a crime was being committed. He even wears leather gloves when he eats pizza. Much of the film catalogs Gunnery Sergeant Cobretti’s lethal showdown with a Los Angeles “murder gang” who have made a sport out of killing innocent people, much the way Cobra has made a sport out of killing suspected criminals. The winner takes all: Brigitte Nielssen, back when she was scorching hot:
Dying to know how it ends up? You need only consider that Sly Stallone went on to marry Brigitte Nielssen, whereas all of the actors who played members of the murder gang died in the making of Cobra.Please leave your favorite quotes from Cyborg in the comments section, and fucking watch this:
- Brain Thrust Mastery enters your life on Monday!March 14th, 2008View
-
You craggly-sharped (un)crags,
If you’ve been reading Livejournal lately then you know that we’ve been the sujet du jour, de la semaine, et, god willing, du siècle. Rather than compose a gigantis email to you about what’s going on over the next five days, we thought we’d pull some (of your?) words straight off of Facebook, I mean Livejournal…
Regarding the album release, maizewhale666 writes: “new w.a.s. album btm [BRAIN THRUST MASTERY] ouut [sic] MONDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 17 March!!!!!!! Eye [sic] can’t waaait!!!”
On where to buy the album, gorghorde666 writes: “Cnt wait for the ’album’ — gonna buy it from play.com. theey always treat me right okay with coupoons.”
On our new television advertisement, bariumberryMburyem666 writes: “I saw an advertisement on TV today for the new We Are Scientists album. It’s so good, I laughed. I recorded a video of it just with my camcorder pointed at the TV screen. Then I loaded that onto my computer and loaded that onto Youtube. Check it out!!!!!!
Finally, see what seaRanchgorghorde says about our plans for Sunday: “W.A.S. playing the ’Play.com Live’ event this weekend, performing on Sunday 16th March. Tickets are still available to buy and cost just £6 for adults and £3 for children and can be purchased through http://www.play.com/live. When I heard this news, I quit my job immediately and put in for extra vacation time, talking to my boss about a salary increase — she said she will consider it!”
Furthermore we want to make this promise to people who aren’t able to make it to one of our patented in-store signing events: if you purchase BRAIN THRUST MASTERY and see one or all of us on the street, and have your copy with you, we’ll sign it, then and there, no questions asked. We begin carrying pens TODAY. - After HoursMarch 7th, 2008View
-
Release week for our new single AFTER HOURS is drawing to a close, and with it your chance to help make us even richer than we already are. You see, a top 5 single would spell tremendous wealth for We Are Scientists. We would be kings. We would command such authority as to be beyond even Razorlight’s sway.
Will you help us? MONEY-PURCHASE THE SINGLE .
Here are the things we promise to do if AFTER HOURS breaks into the top 10:
- Eliminate all private debt in Britain.
- Make movies free to everyone under the age of 65.
- All children taught to read by 2055 A.D.
Here’s what you can expect if AFTER HOURS goes top 5:
- Demons will be summoned and allowed to live among us. (Demons will have to abide by man’s law.)
- All animals will be shaved bald and given full body tat work.
And if AFTER HOURS becomes the 1 single this week, we will:
- Consolidate all television news channels into one channel. Train a walrus to speak perfect English, put him in a red sweater, and make him the host of the news, 24 hours/day. He would be injected with a chemical cocktail that would allow him to forego sleep and just do the news.
As you can see, we’re not the kind of band to hog the benefits of a high chart position: we’re all about redistributing our gains. Get your copy of AFTER HOURS now!
WHAT VIDEO HATH WROUGHT
Part 2 of our award-winning (5 stars on the YouTubes!) coverage of the 2008 NME Awards is available for memorization. See Chris get the scoop from Charlize Theron! See Keith almost get beat up by Lethal Bizzle! THIS IS THE FIRST TIME HONEST JOURNALISM HAS INVOLVED DOUBLE PENETRATION! - Buy After Hours This Week Make Us More FamousMarch 6th, 2008View
-
You chocolate-filled land mines,
As you may already know, our new single is out this week. It’s called AFTER HOURS, and it’s the first thing to come off of our new album BRAIN THRUST MASTERY, unless you count an unfathomable quantity of luke-warm anticipation!!Own it: BUY IT; TO OWN IT, BUY IT.
Order AFTER HOURS in any of its wonderful formats (we got your picture discs, we got your box sets, we got your VHS) here: AFTER HOURS PURCHASE BUTTON REGION
iTunes got us to give them a special acoustic version of this song, a version that we recorded live at Union Chapel in December, and you can get that here: VERSION FOR A ROMANTIC DINNER WITH BRUCE WAYNE (ALIAS THE BAT)
Here is what the critics would be saying if they had taken our suggestions:“AFTER HOURS is like a kitten licking my tongue with the sand-papery tongue of him. That is to say I was squeamish, but now can’t imagine kissing another.”
“It sounds like going to Heaven, going to Valhalla, going to Elysium, and then, at the end, sh** gets even better for that final chorus — that is AFTER HOURS to me, this journalist.” (cover review — review appeared in its entirety on the cover of the magazine, on top of picture of Duffy, on top of her face)
“A blast of fresh air into the tomb of modern rock music. I dropped a turd. I’ve been listening to this non-stop since I received it four days ago — I’ve listened to it nearly 1400 times. Over the last 200 listens or so, I’ve started to hate it a lot. It’s not fair to review this track based on listens 1200-1400. AFTER HOURS makes me tear at my face right now, but it is an excellent song.”
IN THE VISIBLE WORLD OF VIDEO
We whacked our dicks on camera last week at the NME Awards and the result was this journalistic neutron bomb: THE CAMERA LOVES THE WAY WE LOOK AT HIM - After Hours Out Today!March 3rd, 2008View
-
You kill-crazy hand puppets,
Our new single, AFTER HOURS, goes on sale today — finally you will be given the opportunity to own a piece of history. Did you fail to snap up a chunk of the Berlin Wall when chunks were still available? Did you lose an eBay bidding war for Sputnik? To actor Gary Sinise? Did you lose it to Gary Sinise, or maybe actor Bruce Willis? Well now is your chance to make good. 50 years from now, when your grandchildren ask whether you have anything cool from the distant past that they can have, hand them the EXCLUSIVE BOXED VERSION OF AFTER HOURS, and shut them up for a solid half-hour. Or why not grab it now from ITUNES?
Of course there are a variety of alternative formats to choose from, some featuring the marvelous b-side Best Behaviour, others sporting grotesquely bad b-side Dig Dug. Just kidding! Dig Dug is a great song, you’ll find!You may also wish to look into this live acoustic version of After Hours, taped at Union Chapel: GREAT FOR A QUIET EVENING AT HOME WITH LUBE.
HISTORIC INTERVIEW
For insightful thoughts on subjects ranging from economic stability to advancements in medicine to candy, please view this interview: AN INTERVIEW IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS.
