News
- [3/20/2002 10:08:34 AM | WeMarch 20th, 2002View
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[3/20/2002 10:08:34 AM | We Are Scientists]
Have we mentioned to you guys just how very much we like Speechwriters LLC? Let us mention this now, then: we like Speechwriters LLC a whole hell of a lot.
These kids came touring through town recently, and our interaction was simply beautiful. Just a bunch of guys mutually admiring each other. “We like your band, Misha,” we said several times. “Thanks, guys, ” he replied. “And I like your shirts.”
They’re a CA duo (or trio, when they condescend to allow a drummer to join up), and they do the acoustic singer/songwriter thing as well as anybody else. Choose anyone, anyone at all, and Dave and Misha will trump them. They played a damn fine show at NYC’s own black hole, the Sidewalk Cafe, and they just blew that shit up. I mean, a black hole is supposed to absorb light, right? Explain to us, then, how Speechwriters LLC was able to glow so unbelievably brightly, right there in the heart of the Sidewalk, that most dense of all interstellar sandtraps. You, with your degrees in astrophysics and journalism, you can’t explain it to us.
In any case, the Speechwriters were kind enough to invite us to hop onto a bill with them when we go out to California in April, and for this, we are forever in their debt. I mean, not forever, but still, it was very nice of them. We are excited. Get excited, people. - Hey. You guys knowMarch 19th, 2002View
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Hey. You guys know Scott Lamb, right? Scott Charmichael Lamb? Well, he’s back in we are scientists. This is effective sometime this coming summer. Prepare.
Here’s the thing, back in the day, when WAS was formed, there was this guy named Scott Lamb, and he did much in the way of writing songs and being the lead singer and packing one incredibly tight ass into a pair of even tighter leather chaps. Anyway, for various reasons (many of them involving Keith’s poor drumming skills), the decision was made to transplant WAS to Los Angeles, where a young and nubile and wicked little drummer named Michael Tapper resided. Well, Mr. Lamb told Keith and Chris that they could take their move and shove it, as he was living it up in Oakland and would only move when prompted by hunger and kill-craziness. So, with the seats of their pants still aching from his evil kicks, Chris and Keith beat a swift retreat to Los Angeles, and then, having packed Michael into a duffel, to NYC. The rest, of course, is history, and can be read about in any of the better trade publications or in actual history books.
But now Mr. Lamb is back. For whatever reason (if anything so exclusively human as “reason” can be applied to Mr. Lamb), Scott will soon be making his way to this neck of the woods, and has demanded the swift return of “[his] band.” So, we will return the band to him, the rightful owner of we are scientists.
But, you say, we are scientists is so potent as a trio! How can you possibly alter this winning formula, this formula that is to rock as Mr. Heinz’s 57th patented formula is to ketchup? Let us only assure you that you have no fucking idea what the hell you’re talking about. Scott Lamb is going to blow your damned head off with his rock power. We are excited. You, too, are excited, even if you’re not sure why. And anyways, we’ve tasted Heinz’s 58th ketchup formula, and, oh my god, you have no idea. You really haven’t the faintest clue. - Hello to you. From us.March 14th, 2002View
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Hello to you. From us.
Isn’t that nice? An interesting thing about the word hello is that it had to compete with ahoy as the telephone greeting. As you may know, it indeed prevailed as the telephone greeting of choice, even though it was Alexander Graham Bell who suggested ahoy. The whole thing foreshadows We Are Scientists so nicely (we’re hello, get it? hello?).
Now what we have for you here is a list of issues that we need to bring up with you. The list will follow the following colon:- We heard half of the new album, Safety, Fun, and Learning (In That Order), last night, and it sounds damn good. Damnably good indeedy.
- Introducing ask a scientist! Read it, learn from your mistakes, and then ask us about your next conundrum. Just email your questions to wearescientists@hotmail.com.
- The discussion board sucks. We know. We know you know. It will be replaced soon. Please don’t go to it until we say differently, or else we’ll attack you with a million pop-up ads. For the sake of your mental health, please don’t try us.
- On the (other) page in this website, you will find a new poll. Go vote! But remember that this is a scientific study, so please treat it accordingly, i.e. don’t cheat by repeatedly erasing the freepolls cookie from your temporary internet files folder and re-voting.
- Finally, we thought we ought to tell “some people” (you know who you are) that you’ve been developing a sort of lisp, which isn’t necessarily bad by any means, but which, when obviously feigned for dramatic or super-feminizing effect, can come off as phony, and nobody wants to be a phony. We just thought you should know.
And now we’ll say “goodbye.”
Goodbye. - Things ARE moving along. DoMarch 5th, 2002View
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Things ARE moving along. Do you doubt us? That is disconcerting.
No, listen. Just listen for once, instead of always talking over us. And stop being so impossible. If you have a point to make, then make it, just stop off-handedly refuting everything we say. Okay?
Album: quickly being mastered.
Deadlines: being set, although if you think that we’re going to state these deadlines in any definite manner in this sort of public venue after all we’ve been through (i.e., the rather grandiose declarations we’d made about a January release and whatnot), well, sir, you are a damned fool.
Artwork for album: coming along quite nicely, thanks.
So: soon my pretties. Soon.
This site should have some updates soon, with some new musical-type clips, some other rather non-musical-type clips, and some new-ish photos, so that you guys can see just how Michael has grown since December. “His musculature is rather commanding,” was one comment we’ve had regarding Michael’s development. Also said was, “He is skinny, like all of you scientist-types.” So, maybe things haven’t changed as much as we’ve been fantasizing. - I know. I KNOW! ByFebruary 19th, 2002View
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I know. I KNOW!
By now, we were supposed to have put out the album and started promoting it and begun appearing on the covers of all of the various trade magazines. You don’t have to tell us. We have been stretching and oiling ourselves for these photo shoots we thought were going to happen, but we are still in our house, waiting. And so are you, we know. How can you move forward with your life when you have been using the forthcoming we are scientists album as a benchmark for your life? You have told people, “First I will buy the new WAS album, and THEN I will marry you,” etc. We are so sorry for the delay.
But, it WILL be out, very soon. We can’t say when, though. Soon! Kevin Brady, whose role in the birth of this album is as big (bigger, probably) as any of the actual band members’ roles, is working tirelessly on getting this thing to sound as good as it can possibly sound. Keith went to Miami and tried to master the album with a man who turned out to a bad person with evil intentions. Keith fought him, and Keith was hurt badly. But, we still have the album, and we’ve rescucitated it with our own mastering skills. It will sound the way you want it to sound. Promise.
Also, damn it, can someone please get this site updated a little more often, please? - Okay, okay. So, we areJanuary 24th, 2002View
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Okay, okay. So, we are big talkers. We have often regaled you poor kids with talk of fantastic treasures found and massive pectorals developed and debut albums recorded. And, sure, these tales have seemed dubious to you guys, since we are scientists clearly has no cash and poor musculature and no debut album. Well, all that has changed (except for the cash and muscles things). The album is done, people. Well, at least the recording part of it is. There is still some mixing to be done. Then, Keith will shuttle off to Miami to sunbathe and smoke Havana cigars and get the album mastered. Then, we
- "So, how is the albumDecember 13th, 2001View
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“So, how is the album going,” you ask impatiently, tapping your fingers on the countertop.
“Ah, very well, very well,” we reply, our eyes darting toward the open door.
A chance to escape! But we’re too late to make the move.
“So then, where the hell is it? This album? This album of yours, that is supposed to be maybe the finest use that mankind has yet found for plastics and digital things and searchlights?” Your eyes are narrowing. We don’t like this.
“Ah, where?” Wiping sweat from our collective brows. “Ah, a perfectly fine and good question!”
“Yeah, because a while ago, you kids were talking the big talk. Talking like it was coming out in December, or some other madness.” You are clearly angry. We’d made a promise, and then we’d broken it.
“Ah, well . . .yes! Absolutely right, and thank you for mentioning it!” We are inching toward the exit. “Well, things happened, and release dates were pushed back. But we are working! Rest assured, we are working our very hardest. When we are not eating or sleeping or taking in another viewing of ‘Car Wash’ starring Dr. Dre, we are working. The recording is almost done, and what we currently have sounds so very sweet, you will not mind that we are deceitful and slothful and long in the tooth.”
You are unimpressed. “Okay, but how about the artwork for the CD? I mean do you even have a cover, or any concept of how the liner notes will be . . .”
But we are through the door, scrambling over each other out into the street.
The sounds of car doors slamming. An engine turning over. Tires squealing away toward the south.
Once again, we are scientists has left you holding the check. - People: We Are Scientists hasDecember 3rd, 2001View
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People: We Are Scientists has a plan. It is a plan of action, one whose likelihood of success is immeasurably high. Immeasurably. This plan involves three things: the rock, the liquor, and you. Ha ha, well, not the liquor, necessarily. We’re not going to sit here and condone the use of liquor as a catalyst to having fun, although we will sit here and confirm that it functions extremely well in that capacity. We’ll sit while we confirm that because we’re too drunk to stand. No, not really. In reality we are writing this from a treadmill, one of those neat guys whose angle can be increased to simulate a hill for higher difficulty. We have the angle all the way up to 45 degrees, but the machine is off and we are sitting on the floor, using the ramp as a recliner. Does this information surprise you? It shouldn’t. Your first clue that this kind of thing goes on should have been Michael’s sickly ripped abdominals. Your next clue: Keith’s frisbee-shaped pectorals. And then there are Chris’s ruddy cheeks, which suggest that he is hale, that he enjoys at least moderate health, no?
Earlier on, though, we were talking about a plan that we have. Well, that was not just ballyhoo. Not just, anyway. (Did that sound kind of like David Mamet, those last 2 lines? Hmm. Not bad.) Matter o’ fact, there’s quite the little shytestorm comin’ down the pipes, in a good way. This Friday, you see, We Are Scientists has rented out a club called The West End, up there across the street from Columbia University, a prestigious academic institution that you may have heard of!!! Ha ha ha!! I mean you may just have heard of it, you know? Columbia University! Ring any bells??! Fucking Columbia, eh?!! Ha!! How bout Harvard! Have you maybe heard of them? No but, no, we were talking about Columbia here! Fuckin A!
So but yes, we’ve gone ahead and spoken with the the kindly, wizened folks at The West End and we’ve said to them, we said: “Gentle managerial types, what would you say to us renting out the club area below your hip bar/restaurant, here just a stone’s throw from lauded Columbia University?” And basically, to come to the point, they said fine, okay, anything for you guys, and we said great, we accept your hospitality, and then we just had to plan the event. And plan the event we did.
This Friday, at the West End, you will bear witness to many unusual things: you will bear witness to: four explosive rock forces. At 9:30, The Tuesday Suits will shake your consciousness. These kids are rock solid, air tight, and ready to rumble. So shake your ass for them. At 10:30, The Fit will break you over their knee. In a good way. These guys have a Paula Abdul cover on their new EP. They’re that good. At 11:30, that juggernaut of rock prowess, of harmonic achievement, of cakes and brownies made from a mix, We Are Scientists, will take the stage. And blow. You. Away. Most. Likely. And batting clean-up, Smite will freak the hell out of you from 12:30 til the bar overhead caves in on our heads and we all simultaneously explode from under the rubble like an army of Incredible Hulks and take to the motherfuckin streets. Oh my spine’s tingling just thinking about it.
Besides music, there will be:
- slide artwork projected onto a white screen.
- a short film about relationship obsession projected onto a white screen.
- Camptown Races, fifteen miles long, in this case.
- a live interview of Governor Sweets Calhoun (Alabama), who is running for U.S. President. Sweets is a really cool guy, and has a moustache.
- a thee-headed turtle. Two of the heads are fake.
- a full bar, where you can buy $3 beers, and all sorts of other refreshing inducement.
Now, to be totally forthright, we have to admit that there will be no turtle. But that shouldn’t really be a big deal to you, since, as noted, the turtle has but one head. One head. I mean, come on. Who are we fooling with that? With two fake heads glued on there. Who’s that going to draw? Nobody, so we didn’t even bother with the whole turtle thing. Everything else there is true, though. Everything. - So, recording goes on, andNovember 20th, 2001View
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So, recording goes on, and it goes on quite well. Damn, this record will be hot. Why do we say that? If you have to ask, you have clearly arrived at this website accidentally, for you know absolutely nothing of we are scientists.
Some of you may remember the last update (see below), in which we mentioned that Michael went into the studio and did many things with great precision (among them: playing the drums) and that Chris had laid down his bass parts as well. Well, last night, bass tracks were redone. Some of you may be wondering why so fine and infallible a bass player as Chris would ever need to have more than one pass at recording his bass lines, and the answer is: he wouldn’t need more than one, you simpering idiot! The problem was not with Chris, but with the machinery, proving once again that WAS is still two steps ahead of all human technology. We decided to try mic-ing the bass a little differently, and the result was so fine that we concluded that all bass tracks should be re-recorded to include this tremendous new bass sound. Sure, this means that the album may come out as many as two days later than we’d previously anticipated, but believe us: when you hear this ridiculously smooth bass tone, you will agree that those 48 WAS-less hours that you spent moaning and wailing and annoying the family will have been well worth it.
After banging out several stellar tracks in quick succession, Chris was so excited about the great leaps in bass engineering that he promptly declared that, upon the completion of these fine bass parts, the album was now complete, and would feature only bass and drums. He was very adamant about this, and when Keith pointed out that such an arrangement would render his role in the band essentially obsolete, Chris commenced to shrieking, “Do you hear that bass tone? I mean do you HEAR that bass tone? I’ll not have your misguided guitar wanking and half-baked vocals marring this recording, which, as it stands, is clearly this century’s finest sonic achievement.” Michael could not disagree, and so, with a vote of 2 to 1, Keith was unceremoniously ousted from the band.
Later, as Keith sat weeping on the curb, it occurred to him that both Michael and Chris will be away over the Thanksgiving weekend, giving him plenty of time to steal into the studio and surreptitiously add those most necessary guitars and vocals. Let us all pray that he is not too late . . . - Drum recording wrapped up lastNovember 15th, 2001View
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Drum recording wrapped up last night, ladies; drum recording wrapped up last night, gentlemen. In just under four hours, the WAS team knocked off some nine songs in quick succession, Michael laying down flawless track after flawless track. So puzzlingly proficient was Michael last night that the rest of us found ourselves making quips along the following lines:
