What do you think of our new site, fans? Yes, it’s pretty spare. We want to openly admit as much right out of the box. “Right out of the box”? Is that the right phrase? That sounds pornographic as fuck. “Pornographic as the word ‘fuck'” is what we’re saying, just so you understand. Cuz guys, what’s more porno than fuckin? Right? Maybe knee sex. Oh, huh? Huh, huh? What’s that? You haven’t heard the latest? You haven’t heard about what people are doing in the back alleys? About what they’re doing when they get dog piss injected into their spines? Well, listen up: knee sex. That’s the latest.
Here’s the straight skinny: we’re so busy with making a new record and trying to break into the TV market that we have precious little time to maintain the kind of website that you have come to expect from us. So we’re downscaling. JUST FOR THE TIME BEING, YOU JERKS! GIVE US A BREAK, YOU FIVE DUDES WHO READ OUR WEBSITE!
You see, as we make the record this fall, and blast open the TV industry’s doors, our wearescientists.com is undergoing a major overhaul. Come late December or early January — call it January 1st! Come January 1st (or earlier or later), we will introduce the biggest and best website since AltaVista.com. AltaVista.com — never forget! — is the website that brought everybody searchable yogurt. Our new site will be no less significant. Indeed, it will feature a nostalgic yogurt search function, in addition to show dates, ticket links, pictures of puma butts, animés of knee sex, and all the rest of the stuff you associate with Microsoft and We Are Scientists, as well as Sears.
In the meantime, a word of advice? Read our blog. Look at (and subscribe to) our Twitter feed (see sidebar). Buy our shitty junk off our merch page — also, just in time for Christmas, check out our soon-to-be-introduced junky shit, on the same page (see that sidebar!). AND: live your life! Yes, live your life! Because in two months or so, WAS.com is going to relaunch, and it’s going to subsume Google and BarnesandNoble.com and all the rest, and you’re going to be spending *five hours a day talking on the phone to your friends about our website*. So take this little bit of time now, while we’re offering it. Start a hobby! You won’t have time to master it — hell no — but you can start something and figure out whether it’s something you’d like to casually pretend to be into when you’re chatting at bars.
Finally: Stay tuned for major news in the next day or two. About us, that is! Obviously you can go to the marvelous nytimes.com or yahoo.com/googlenews any day of the week and find major news. But by week’s end, you can expect a little bit of local major news, if you see what we mean.