News
- UK club shows in July!?!?May 16th, 2012View
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Hey! What? Yeah, that’s true! We’ve announced some UK club shows in July. Goddamn they’re going to be good! The schedule looks like this:
JULY
23 Bristol, Thekla
25 London, Garage
26 Portsmouth, Wedgewood Rooms
27 York, Duchess
30 Norwich, Arts Centre
31 Manchester, Deaf Institute
AUGUST
1 Glasgow, King Tut’sThe first thing you probably notice about that list is how goddamn INTIMATE the venues are. No joke, these are some intimate venues. That means that when tickets go on sale tomorrow morning at 9 AM, the rooms will sell out quickly. That’s not us tooting our own horn, it’s just us stating a fact. Heck, U2 playing without Bono could fill venues this intimate. Indeed, they have!
Ticket links can be found here. You gotta try our ticket links – man are they fast!
- Hawt Lewkz Is Closing on April 16thApril 9th, 2012View
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Tragic news from our sister merch site, Hawt Lewkz. Apparently the bozos are closing up shop. Here’s their latest blog post in full:
“This too shall pass,” the Bible tells us, and it may well have been talking about Hawt Lewkz. After an incredible, inspiring, inimitable run, we’re closing the shop doors – killing all the employees, sending the executives to jail, etc. AFTER APRIL 15th, 2012, WE WILL NOT ACCEPT ORDERS. All orders made before April 15 will of course be fulfilled, and customer service will remain active (just email management@wearescientists.com). We thank…
We’ll shed a tear, but we will NOT pour out some of the beer in our big bottle of beer. The stuff’s simply too precious. Something tells us the Hawt Lewkz boys would understand.
- Merry Christmas, youze guyz!December 25th, 2011View
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GRRRRRRRRRRRR…
- Cheap Music + Feed The HungryDecember 21st, 2011View
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GUYZZ: We’re participating in a pretty cool charity thing this holiday season that begins tomorrow and runs for a week, and we want you to join us. What it is is: we and several other bands (OKGO, Of Montreal, Drive By Truckers, others) contribute a fresh recording to a bundle that you can pay whatever you want for, and each dollar buys a meal for a hungry person. (Like, chronically hungry, not just ready for lunch.) Spread the word, if you would. Scrape together a dollar. Our song alone is worth nearly 80 cents!!
- Of Cartage & K80 PerryNovember 18th, 2011View
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Yeah, so yesterday, we went to the band storage space in Manhattan with the intention of cleaning that sucker out and closing it down, and we darn near almost succeeded. Allow us to set the scene: Manhattan Mini Storage; rainy but not so very chilly; yesterday. And the first thing you need to know is that, man, that place sucks. Something about going to Manhattan Mini Storage brings the whole day’s mood down. You can be driving around, stuck in Manhattan traffic, inching along, listening to some hip indie tunes on the Fordham University radio station (ninety-something point something), dipping the van’s big doughnut-looking tires into that shitty coffee Starbucks pours into the city’s potholes every morning before the sun comes up – basically, you’re driving along having a great time, and then you drive up to Manhattan Mini Storage and the mood just nose-dives. It plummets. Because the place sucks so hard. Which – long story short – is why we had decided to clean the sucker out and close the sucker down. But here’s the goddamn rub of this entire lifestyle article: we didn’t succeed. We filled our trusty, slowly disintegrating van (El Lobo Argentino) to its rusty brim, and still, hunkering menacingly in the storage space, were the following items: a bass cabinet, a bass head in a flight case, four guitar amps in flight cases, a 2,070 lb case full of drum hardware, and assorted green drums. A(whole)nother van load, in short, guys. A great example of “an unbearable prospect” when you’ve already spent 90 minutes at Manhattan Mini Storage is: returning to Manhattan Mini Storage. So we pulled out the white flag, the flag of surrender, hoisted it up El Lobo Argentino’s antenna, and headed to Brooklyn, to Keith’s office, to unload that first vanful of junk. And here’s the second rub of this erratic, paragraphless lifestyle article, reprinted from Vanity Fair magazine: there was some great stuff in that first van-load (“vanful”). Lots of random, great old merch, and even some not-very-great early CDs, stuff we issued back when we sucked. We’re going to take pictures of it and make it available to you – FOR A PRICE. Money. The price will be money. So look forward to that! Or, hell, yawn with indifference.
Paragraph 2: Last night, after the whole cartage episode, we went to K80 Perry’s show at Madison Square Garden and got blown the hell away. Max Hart was there, up on the stage, behind a keyboard, is why we were there. At least, that’s why we *initially thought* we were there. It quickly became apparent that we were actually there to witness an incredible spectacle. Keith is presently gestating a full review of the K80 Perry MSG show; as soon as its ready, we’ll change the font color to black and publish it right here at wearescientists.com. Sorry, that last sentence has gotta be confusing as hell if you’re reading this in Vanity Fair magazine right now. The thing is, the only reason Vanity Fair printed this article in the first place is because it deals heavily with vans – with a van – and they thought it reinforced their brand (VAN-ity Fair magazine, you see). But so, although we offered it to them, they decided to pass on Keith’s K80 Perry review. The review would only serve to diminish their brand, they said, with all its frank talk about sex, music, and culture. The readers of Vanity Fair magazine, its editors told us, are more interested in things like “vans and articles about state fairs,” which is of course Vanity Fair’s slogan. So, if you’re reading this in the glossy pages of Vanity Fair magazine right now, just know that you’ll have to plug in your computer and scream the words “wearescientists.com” at it if you want to read a full review of the K80 Perry thing.
And for Vanity Fair readers only: turn to page 118 now for a tasteful photo spread of Nicole Kidman’s bush. It’s one of the most beautiful things we’ve ever seen. One of the photos we actually cut out and taped to the wall next to our bathroom mirror, so we could study it while we brush our teeth each morning and evening. Nicole Kidman’s success is no mystery once you’ve seen her bush, just how goddamn perfect it is. Anyone who maintains such a fabulous specimin obviously possesses dedication and persistence and grit in spades. Yes, we strongly suggest you skip right to page 118 and get a good look at these great photos of Nicole Kidman’s prize-winning rose bush, shot right there in her back yard. Finally, a tasteful photo spread from Vanity Fair instead of the usual close-up celebrity pussy photography.
- Supporting MUSE, Festing In Italy, Free Show In NYCMay 5th, 2011View
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What is it with chimps these days? The bellicosity! It’s enough to drive us mad, those of us old enough to remember when chimps, not doves, were the bestial symbol of peace. And no, you don’t have to be “thousands of years old” to remember that, as some of you are thinking. Why, in 1985, in Michigan, a chimpanzee helped a young girl get into a row boat that was bucking nervously next to a pier. Two years later, in 1979, a chimpanzee notoriously saved two American astronauts who were about to run out of air. He, the chimpanzee, had been successfully living in space since the late 60′s, when the Russians sent him up there just to see what he’d do. Because of some weird physics ‘n’ shit, when he saved the American astronauts, it was 1987 in their time, but only 1979 in his time. In order to honor this courageous, resourceful chimp, then, we officially refer to this event as having taken place in ’79. (We also gave the furry hero Malta.)
Okay, so hey! We’ve got a couple more shows to tell you about, and you don’t have to live in (**spoiler alert**) Russia, Ukraine, Italy, or New York City in order to be thrilled. You just have to have a little compassion. If you have ONE OUNCE OF FUCKING EMPATHY, you can’t help being thrilled when we tell you we’re supporting Muse later this month in St. Petersburg, Moscow, and Kiev. If the temperature of your heart is even A COUPLE DEGREES ABOVE THAT OF A SNAKE’S, you will brim with contentment when we reveal that on 9 June we’ll play the “Heineken Jammin’ Festival” in Venice. (Yes, of course we’re going to get onstage and just “jam” for 45 minutes. Obviously. Bring a harmonica in D-sharp if you’d like to play along.) And needless to say, ONLY A MONSTER would not clap with excitement at the prospect of our free June 23rd show in Red Hook Park, in Brooklyn, in New Yorkin’ America.
Your reaction to the above news can be used as a tremendously accurate personality test. If you’re not TUGGING AT YOUR HAIR WITH GLEE right now, then you’re a piece of shit — a world-class sonofabitch. If your mouth is not BONE-DRY WITH ANTICIPATION, then you, sir or madam, might best never have been born. And if you have not SOILED YOUR TROUSERS WITH YOUR OR ANOTHER’S SHIT, well then you are either in possession of some seriously uncommon restraint, or you are a villain of literally FAIRYTALE description.
Here’s a shot of a chimpanzee who, back in 1974, sold a person a can of marbles at a fair price:
- Seven New Shows! Occurring!March 31st, 2011View
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Dear Aficionados of Jam Bands and Ham Fans (hand-held fans shaped from ham),
The end of May/beginning of June is heating right up! Even as we prepare to embark on a chilly mini-tour through Helsinki, St. Petersburg, and Barcelona, we are pleased to announce several scalp-flushing shows happening later this spring that, combined with the overall climatic trend of spring, should produce some really genuinely warm weather in much of the world! New dates include chest-tingling UK stops in Bristol, Nottingham, Manchester, Cardiff, & Exeter; a triple-dope Berlin club show; and a totally phatlucky festival headliner in Bangkok. Full dickfresh details HERE.
Tonight, excitingly, terrifyingly, Keith and Chris will (ask to) pilot a Virgin Airlines flight from New York to London (!!!), where they’ll meet up with Andy for three days of hard work on the new album [tentatively titled "Unfuckingreal Discounts"] before shoving off to Helsinki. We’ll try to post a few pictures from the practice space this weekend, as well as full, well-recorded demos of new songs. (Psych!!!)
- Off to California this WeekendMarch 11th, 2011View
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You Chuck Wagon Autopilots,
We’re flying to California tomorrow, and here’s why:
San Diego IndieFest!
Schoooooool Night!(?)
It’s going to be warm, the weather man tells us, which is why we spared his life… THIS time. To understand why his life was in jeopardy at all, you need to have been in New York City for the last couple months.
Will post images of our second-degree sunburns.
Next week: Austin, TX, home to 6th Street, an actual real-world green river of margarita.
Will post video of marg-induced garbled descriptions of temporary epiphanies.
- Four more club shows in England, June-timeFebruary 28th, 2011View
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You Jittery Geodes,
Our last-minute show at the Bull & Gate in London last week was successful on every imaginable level: we remembered all of the songs; we didn’t spill any beer; and no (warm-blooded) animals got (very) injured. So we’ve decided to tack on a few more club shows this June while we’re in England. Ticket links for these intimate, awkward, embarrassing gigs are now up on the Shows page. (Ha! They’re not going to be awkward and embarrassing. That’s just the NyQuil talking. In fact, they aren’t even going to be very intimate. More like “slick” and “professional.” Just kidding — that’s the Tabasco & Redbull talking. When have you known us to be slick or professional? Okay, maybe if you’ve dated one of us, but never at a show. Let’s just say these shows will be “successful,” we hope, and leave it at that.)
If you missed last week’s now-historical show — “historical” in the sense that it happened in the past, we mean — consider putting one of our vinyls on the ol’ scratching droid and scrolling through Camden Crawl’s photo set on flickr. For better accuracy, mess with the record player’s speed a little bit every few minutes, and pour grape jelly all over the platter sometime during track 7.
Shrieking, shrieking, shrieking.
Fatigue sets in; Keith decides to have a lie down.
Also! Details on April’s Barcelona festival have been updated on the Shows page. Ticket links are working like dwarves in a silver mine.
- Shows in PA & elsewhere, a trip to London, and a Scandinavian etymological journeyFebruary 17th, 2011View
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You Cat-Faced Vikings,
We’ll begin this update by addressing something that’s been causing plenty of confusion and consternation for a great many of you: Who were the “cat-faced Vikings”? The answer couldn’t be simpler! These were Vikings (8th-11th cent.) who, through rudimentary plastic surgery, looked exactly like cats. So far so good. What’s little understood is the derivation of the “cat-faced” assignation. Why not, for example, “cat-like,” or even “cat,” given that these Vikings were, in every cosmetic respect, identical to cats – legs, paws, tails, tummies, flanks, ears, and, of course, faces? One clue may lie in a linguistic irregularity found in dialects spoken by several subdivisions of the larger group known as Vikings. In these dialects, a single multipurpose word – “face” – was used to describe any specific part of the body. Thus one might say, “My body hurts,” and when asked, “Which part?” one could point to one’s stomach, from which half an arrow protruded, and say, “My face.”
If you want to come to our show tomorrow in Pennsylvania, and you don’t attend Washington & Jefferson University, take heart. The show is open to the public, though it’s only free for students, who already blew their February budgets on glow-in-the dark “hot ice” condoms and tequila, which was poured into the condoms, which were then tied shut and thrown at deer, who were largely delighted. The thing is, you can’t buy tickets online, so if you’re driving out to Western PA from Philly or New York or San Francisco, you might justifiably worry about arriving and finding that all the tickets had been snapped up by students, their shoulders too sore for the moment to feed any more deer. Well fear not. Here’s how you can reserve tickets, according to the show’s promoter:
We’re doing will call, or they can purchase at the door. Tickets can be reserved by emailing name and number needed to sail@washjeff.edu, and can be paid for by cash or check at the door. No credit or debit cards.
See you there, if you come! If you don’t, we won’t see you at all, because we’ll be there.
Luckily, this isn’t our last chance to meet up. We’re not doing any extensive touring in the first half of 2011 – we need time to begin crafting our next release (tentatively titled “Brain Thrust Mastery” again) – but we’ve set up shows in a few enticing cities in hopes that those of you whose doorsteps we won’t be muddying will consider meeting us halfway. Why not hop a jetliner to Barcelona, St. Petersburg, Helsinki, Isle of Wight, or San Diego and find out first hand what we sound like? (We’ll be adding a few more options in the near future.)
A few things coming up in the immediate future post-Pennsylvania show: on Sunday we’re going to get on a Virgin Airlines airplane and watch movies all night. All the free red wine we can drink won’t hurt one bit when it’s time to push through “Yogi Bear.” When the plane lands, assuming everything goes smoothly, assuming the continents don’t rearrange while we’re up there, we’ll be in London. We’ll spend next week crafting tunes with Andy (Burrows (the First)), hitting the NME Awards in search of our two free drinks, hanging with old pals, just palling around, etc. There’s a chance we’ll succumb to the inevitable desire to play in front of people with Andy, in which case we’ll drop some hints on the ol’ twitter feed (est. 1921).
That’s all for now. Onward!
