The other day, I was doing some yard work…

The other day, I was doing some yard work (lawn mowing, tree cutting, cat hopping – the whole deal), and (as is often the case) I eventually found myself knee deep in a pile of leaves. When I finally extracted myself from the mess, I happened to glance down and notice that my shoes and socks and the sweet bare patch of ankle-skin that was exposed beneath the modestly-cut cuff of my pants were covered, just COVERED, with ants. Like, really MEAN ants, who were just swarming on the skin and making as if to bite and acting in a generally offensive manner. I can’t remember if they actually bit me. I seem to recall feeling bites, but, as you will see, such an event is suspect. Anyway, I did what any rational man or woman would do in such a situation – I screamed and jumped around and acted like a goddamn baby. That is, until I glanced down and noticed that there were, in fact, no ants on my legs. At all. There may have been one in the grass nearby, but in retrospect, I think that it might have been a grass seed or a nickel.
So, what the hell was going on there? I have a couple of theories, but none seems more plausible than any other. Here they are: here: now:
1) I was momentarily insane, and seeing what I really wanted to see. That is: what I really wanted to see was: ants.
2) The ants on my legs were actually the ghosts of ants I’ve murdered or generally wronged in the past.
3) The ants were placed on my leg by a clever enemy, who then, as i was jumping around, surreptitiously removed said ants. So, essentially, what I’m thinking here is: psychological warfare.