Stuff to Shout When You’re Watching Sports With Dudes

Thanksgiving weekend is upon us here in the United States, and that means SPORTS are right up on us, too. Yes, if you know a dude, are a dude, or just choose to emulate dude patterns, you will surely have no choice but to watch some sports this weekend. Which means you’ll have no choice but to shout things at the screen, supposedly to communicate something to an athlete, a coach, or a ref, but really — anthropologists believe — more for the benefit of the (other) dudes in the room. So GET IT RIGHT this year! Read through this useful guide and ensure that you are prepared to dole out the sauciest, most biting, most BADASS color commentary — no matter which sport is raging up there on the 72-inch plasma.


Ref needs an eye check! Glasses! Saw it bad!

Piled of spires… desperate to, to…


I look at these reminds me of my old race sets…

Teachin’ table French.


This has to be some kinda new joke, this style of, am I ahead, am I behind, what’s the next… It’s what’s the next MEANING for these guys, in reality.


Goddamn god in HEAVEN but they shimmer…

This guy’ll put his needle’n’thread through everything catches the light, grandma bless him. He’s Alexander the Great out there.

    Soft-Core Pornography

Even if his tongue ISN’T touching her pussy right now, he can definitely taste something. I mean he’s tasting SOMETHING in that bufferzone of air, and he knows exactly what it is.

    Werner Herzog’s “Cave of Dreams”

No, you leave this ON. I’ve heard inCREDIBLE things about this film. You wanna go watch some goddamn Michael-Bay-Avatar-3D-paint-by-numbers BULLSHIT… [tears flooding the eyes]… you go ahead… [breathing heavy]… Me I don’t mind getting some CULTURE on my pizza… [hands covering face]… Pass me some peetz–… [sobs twice]… pass me a BEER [extends hand, cheeks wet].