Category Archives: News

It’s College Radio Day (like two weeks ago)!

ACOUSTIC LOVERS: We donated a very pleasant, unreleased acoustic recording of “After Hours” to “College Radio Day: The Album” — that’s right, it’s not just a day! It’s an album named after a day, that got released on the very day it was named after! It’s a good album, and the proceeds go to support college radio-related causes, so for once you can make your sick habit of purchasing music feel slightly less shameful.

Our track, you oughtta know, is only available on the physical version of the album and on the the digital version being sold at Amoeba’s new music site.

 

Not just a day but an album *named after a day.*

It’s the first day of Autumn! (On some planet.)

Let’s break a bad habit today! We have a bad habit of limiting our communication with you, the fan pool, to moments when we want to sell you something. Consider our most recent tweet (as of this writing): “PNIS NLRGMENT PiLL THAT duz WRK—HERE: [redacted].” Or the one before that: “Anyone want to buy a rubber band for 5 dollars?” Or our last news post on this very website, published after we got a line on some cheap Canadian dogs we were planning to import and then resell to you at a breadwinning mark-up. And do you want to know the saddest part? There were never any engorgement pills! There was never a rubber band! I mean presumably we could have found one had anybody responded to the offer, but it’s not like we had one sitting in a decorative box, ready to ship, as implied in that tweet. As for the Canadian dogs, well, they were real enough, we suppose (many of their snapshots are still on our fridge), but shouldn’t we be spending our time making more, better music? Aren’t we a band, for chrissakes, not some fly-by-night internet mini-mall? The answer of course is yes, by god, we are a band, and so making more/better music has become, in the hours since our last tweet and hopefully for many months to come, our absolute focus. Yes, we’re three guys, and guys are renowned for thinking about their dicks all the time, but in the current environment over here we’re actually — believe it or not — giving more thought to music-making than to our Jason Priestly’s, if you’ll permit us the use of an understandably unpopular euphemism. Yes, we’ve once again drilled down hard into the music-making process, and once again found it to our liking, less shame-inducing than pill sales, certainly. Once again, the songs are too hot to touch, which has us daily thanking Crom (our god) that they are not physical objects that ever need to be handled, really, just songs. We’ve started thinking about artwork, and an album title, and whether to use little blood splats or little bullet holes in place of all the o’s in the song titles, and which large corporations to thank in the acknowledgments — nearly all of them have played a significant role! In other words, for those of you who’ve been literally holding your breath for the next record, there is a chance you’ll survive. Not a good chance, no, but breath-holding for any amount of time over about a week carries plenty of inherent risk, and you must surely have known that the day you sealed your lips and pinched your nose.

What else is going on?

  1. Well, we’re watching the runup to the presidential election closely, of course, and mastering new sports.
  2. We’re working on an unsolicited ad campaign for Coors Light Alcohol, one of our favorite alcohols, an alcohol that could benefit from a fresh marketing approach, we think.
  3. We’re trying to find a time this month to go to all the big New York-area haunted houses, because we like to scream and rarely find the right situation for that.
  4. We’re working on a new written piece about actor Josh Lucas, who recently started following us on Twitter after noticing a 2006 free-form essay we wrote that mentions him 40 times.
  5. We’re doing this kinda cool competition sponsored by a hotel where a bunch of bands in Abu Dhabi and Brussels and London are having music fights, and the winner gets flown to London to record under our watchful scrutiny, and then we all play a show together. (Yes, on the surface it seems like the prize isn’t as valuable if a London band ends up winning, but consider that they won’t be all tired out from the flight, and will therefore be able to take full advantage of our tutelage — and our tutelage is essentially priceless.)
  6. Finally, but definitely way more important than our Coors Light commercial: Our own Andy Burrows is about to drop another solo record onto the marketplace, and we’re in a position to tell you that it’s a goddamn good one. We’re “in a position” to tell you this because, frankly, one of us is Andy Burrows, so all of us — including the other two — get to listen to the record early. Some of us, Keith for example, even played on the thing. It’s called “Company,” this record, and it comes out October 22nd, and you can listen to some of it here, plus see a music video featuring pretty ladies and sinister men, plus see a bunch of photos of Andy that don’t have Chris or Keith in them, if that’s the sort of thing you’re into. (They are very nice.)

Oh hey, and by the way, we’ve resumed giving advice. If you want some, email us at advice[at]wearescientists.com.

What our October is looking like.

ARGH!! We’re canceling some shows…

Friends & Fellows:

We’re saddened and annoyed and pissed off and, to be honest, a little embarrassed to announce that we have to cancel a few of our upcoming shows. In recent weeks, during recording sessions that have mostly been thrilling and optimism-inducing, we’ve learned that Keith — our fearless, warm-hearted, iron-lunged frontman — is suffering from singing-throat issues that, while totally curable and not long-term-scary, have put some temporary restrictions on the use of his voice. (Rest assured that Keith’s talking-throat functions and eating-throat functions remain as robust as ever.) The fine doctors who are treating Keith have told us in no uncertain terms that the schedule for our upcoming UK tour must change if his voice is going to last the course. So we’ve made the decision to cancel four of our shows. The hardest part about this process was in *not* simply choosing to cancel the four places we disliked the most, or the four places where we’d had the nastiest taxi drivers, or the four places where we’d accidentally ordered something we hated at a restaurant because pride kept us from asking the others at our table if anyone knew what “ris d’agneau” stood for. Instead we had to choose four places we love — Bristol, Portsmouth, Manchester, Glasgow; some of our favorite spots in the United Kingdom; places, all of them, that have shown us incredible audiences, late late nights stumbling into morning, raucous, insane concert-goers… We’ve made the choice, in the end, based on giving Keith’s throat consistent breaks, and in order to make sure that the honorable people we cancel on can get a refund for their ticket — something that would be out of our hands with festivals. To those of you who bought tickets to the Bristol, Portsmouth, Manchester, & Glasgow shows, we offer a sincere apology, and a sincere promise to make it up to you.

Full refunds are available at point of purchase for the affected shows. We’ll be on Twitter and Facebook to answer any of your questions.

***UPDATE***: For the reasons outlined above, we’ve also had to cancel our set at LouFest on August 26th. Sad face emoticon.

A Sneaky, Cheeky Show In Brooklyn

We’re going to play a sneaky, cheeky set this Friday at Union Pool in Brooklyn. There will be new stuff, there will be old stuff, there will not be many tickets.

Joining us are our wonderful practice-space-mates Kuroma, and a highly-listenable 3-piece we saw for the first time last week called Beach Arabs.

Tickets are here. (They just are.)

UK club shows in July!?!?

Hey! What? Yeah, that’s true! We’ve announced some UK club shows in July. Goddamn they’re going to be good! The schedule looks like this:

JULY
23 Bristol, Thekla
25 London, Garage
26 Portsmouth, Wedgewood Rooms
27 York, Duchess
30 Norwich, Arts Centre
31 Manchester, Deaf Institute
AUGUST
1 Glasgow, King Tut’s

The first thing you probably notice about that list is how goddamn INTIMATE the venues are. No joke, these are some intimate venues. That means that when tickets go on sale tomorrow morning at 9 AM, the rooms will sell out quickly. That’s not us tooting our own horn, it’s just us stating a fact. Heck, U2 playing without Bono could fill venues this intimate. Indeed, they have!

Ticket links can be found here. You gotta try our ticket links – man are they fast!

Hawt Lewkz Is Closing on April 16th

Tragic news from our sister merch site, Hawt Lewkz. Apparently the bozos are closing up shop. Here’s their latest blog post in full:

“This too shall pass,” the Bible tells us, and it may well have been talking about Hawt Lewkz. After an incredible, inspiring, inimitable run, we’re closing the shop doors – killing all the employees, sending the executives to jail, etc. AFTER APRIL 15th, 2012, WE WILL NOT ACCEPT ORDERS. All orders made before April 15 will of course be fulfilled, and customer service will remain active (just email management@wearescientists.com). We thank…

We’ll shed a tear, but we will NOT pour out some of the beer in our big bottle of beer. The stuff’s simply too precious. Something tells us the Hawt Lewkz boys would understand.

Cheap Music + Feed The Hungry

GUYZZ: We’re participating in a pretty cool charity thing this holiday season that begins tomorrow and runs for a week, and we want you to join us. What it is is: we and several other bands (OKGO, Of Montreal, Drive By Truckers, others) contribute a fresh recording to a bundle that you can pay whatever you want for, and each dollar buys a meal for a hungry person. (Like, chronically hungry, not just ready for lunch.) Spread the word, if you would. Scrape together a dollar. Our song alone is worth nearly 80 cents!!

http://groupees.net/hunger

 

Of Cartage & K80 Perry

Yeah, so yesterday, we went to the band storage space in Manhattan with the intention of cleaning that sucker out and closing it down, and we darn near almost succeeded. Allow us to set the scene: Manhattan Mini Storage; rainy but not so very chilly; yesterday. And the first thing you need to know is that, man, that place sucks. Something about going to Manhattan Mini Storage brings the whole day’s mood down. You can be driving around, stuck in Manhattan traffic, inching along, listening to some hip indie tunes on the Fordham University radio station (ninety-something point something), dipping the van’s big doughnut-looking tires into that shitty coffee Starbucks pours into the city’s potholes every morning before the sun comes up – basically, you’re driving along having a great time, and then you drive up to Manhattan Mini Storage and the mood just nose-dives. It plummets. Because the place sucks so hard. Which – long story short – is why we had decided to clean the sucker out and close the sucker down. But here’s the goddamn rub of this entire lifestyle article: we didn’t succeed. We filled our trusty, slowly disintegrating van (El Lobo Argentino) to its rusty brim, and still, hunkering menacingly in the storage space, were the following items: a bass cabinet, a bass head in a flight case, four guitar amps in flight cases, a 2,070 lb case full of drum hardware, and assorted green drums. A(whole)nother van load, in short, guys. A great example of “an unbearable prospect” when you’ve already spent 90 minutes at Manhattan Mini Storage is: returning to Manhattan Mini Storage. So we pulled out the white flag, the flag of surrender, hoisted it up El Lobo Argentino’s antenna, and headed to Brooklyn, to Keith’s office, to unload that first vanful of junk. And here’s the second rub of this erratic, paragraphless lifestyle article, reprinted from Vanity Fair magazine: there was some great stuff in that first van-load (“vanful”). Lots of random, great old merch, and even some not-very-great early CDs, stuff we issued back when we sucked. We’re going to take pictures of it and make it available to you – FOR A PRICE. Money. The price will be money. So look forward to that! Or, hell, yawn with indifference. 

Paragraph 2: Last night, after the whole cartage episode, we went to K80 Perry’s show at Madison Square Garden and got blown the hell away. Max Hart was there, up on the stage, behind a keyboard, is why we were there. At least, that’s why we *initially thought* we were there. It quickly became apparent that we were actually there to witness an incredible spectacle. Keith is presently gestating a full review of the K80 Perry MSG show; as soon as its ready, we’ll change the font color to black and publish it right here at wearescientists.com. Sorry, that last sentence has gotta be confusing as hell if you’re reading this in Vanity Fair magazine right now. The thing is, the only reason Vanity Fair printed this article in the first place is because it deals heavily with vans – with a van – and they thought it reinforced their brand (VAN-ity Fair magazine, you see). But so, although we offered it to them, they decided to pass on Keith’s K80 Perry review. The review would only serve to diminish their brand, they said, with all its frank talk about sex, music, and culture. The readers of Vanity Fair magazine, its editors told us, are more interested in things like “vans and articles about state fairs,” which is of course Vanity Fair’s slogan. So, if you’re reading this in the glossy pages of Vanity Fair magazine right now, just know that you’ll have to plug in your computer and scream the words “wearescientists.com” at it if you want to read a full review of the K80 Perry thing. 

And for Vanity Fair readers only: turn to page 118 now for a tasteful photo spread of Nicole Kidman’s bush. It’s one of the most beautiful things we’ve ever seen. One of the photos we actually cut out and taped to the wall next to our bathroom mirror, so we could study it while we brush our teeth each morning and evening. Nicole Kidman’s success is no mystery once you’ve seen her bush, just how goddamn perfect it is. Anyone who maintains such a fabulous specimin obviously possesses dedication and persistence and grit in spades. Yes, we strongly suggest you skip right to page 118 and get a good look at these great photos of Nicole Kidman’s prize-winning rose bush, shot right there in her back yard. Finally, a tasteful photo spread from Vanity Fair instead of the usual close-up celebrity pussy photography.

Supporting MUSE, Festing In Italy, Free Show In NYC

What is it with chimps these days? The bellicosity! It’s enough to drive us mad, those of us old enough to remember when chimps, not doves, were the bestial symbol of peace. And no, you don’t have to be “thousands of years old” to remember that, as some of you are thinking. Why, in 1985, in Michigan, a chimpanzee helped a young girl get into a row boat that was bucking nervously next to a pier. Two years later, in 1979, a chimpanzee notoriously saved two American astronauts who were about to run out of air. He, the chimpanzee, had been successfully living in space since the late 60’s, when the Russians sent him up there just to see what he’d do. Because of some weird physics ‘n’ shit, when he saved the American astronauts, it was 1987 in their time, but only 1979 in his time. In order to honor this courageous, resourceful chimp, then, we officially refer to this event as having taken place in ’79. (We also gave the furry hero Malta.)

Okay, so hey! We’ve got a couple more shows to tell you about, and you don’t have to live in (**spoiler alert**) Russia, Ukraine, Italy, or New York City in order to be thrilled. You just have to have a little compassion. If you have ONE OUNCE OF FUCKING EMPATHY, you can’t help being thrilled when we tell you we’re supporting Muse later this month in St. Petersburg, Moscow, and Kiev. If the temperature of your heart is even A COUPLE DEGREES ABOVE THAT OF A SNAKE’S, you will brim with contentment when we reveal that on 9 June we’ll play the “Heineken Jammin’ Festival” in Venice. (Yes, of course we’re going to get onstage and just “jam” for 45 minutes. Obviously. Bring a harmonica in D-sharp if you’d like to play along.) And needless to say, ONLY A MONSTER would not clap with excitement at the prospect of our free June 23rd show in Red Hook Park, in Brooklyn, in New Yorkin’ America.

Your reaction to the above news can be used as a tremendously accurate personality test. If you’re not TUGGING AT YOUR HAIR WITH GLEE right now, then you’re a piece of shit — a world-class sonofabitch. If your mouth is not BONE-DRY WITH ANTICIPATION, then you, sir or madam, might best never have been born. And if you have not SOILED YOUR TROUSERS WITH YOUR OR ANOTHER’S SHIT, well then you are either in possession of some seriously uncommon restraint, or you are a villain of literally FAIRYTALE description.

Here’s a shot of a chimpanzee who, back in 1974, sold a person a can of marbles at a fair price: