Scenes from the Boda Dome: Interrogation (Central Security archive 611.8.2t.nov/24/114)
Tell us how it went down, Nick. It’s time to start talking.
I didn’t kill her.
The hell you didn’t, talk!
I killed her. I killed her.
You– Aha! You killed her! You admit it!
I’m kidding. I didn’t kill her. I don’t even know her.
So why did you say you DID kill her just now!
I don’t… I was kidding. It was sarcasm.
Or a fraudian slip!
Uh… hm. Did you say fraudian slip?
Damn right I did, college boy! It means you actually meant what you said, even if you think it was just a joke! It means deep down inside every accident there’s a kermal of intent!
� � I’ve heard of a “Freudian slip”, which I think is what you mean, and it doesn’t really apply to this situation since I didn’t slip, I deliberately made a joke. But did you just say kermal? Kermal of intent?
It’s FRAUDian slip, as in FRAUD. What the hell is a FROYD? And yes, I said kermal of intent. You gonna tell me it’s kermal of inTOINT? I’m about sick and–
–tired of you sittin there with your–
It’s kernel. Kernel of intent.
You had intent right, but there’s no such word as kermal. I don’t think.
Listen, college boy. You need to start talkin to me in a candid mammer, or I am flat going to slap your mama silly!
A candid manner. I… my mother’s dead, so I guess I don’t…
I know your mama’s dead, I read your file. That isn’t what I’m talkin about doin’ here, I�m sayin’ I’m gonna slap your mama silly if you don’t start talkin to me, now talk!
Okay but… you’re like, going to dig up her body and slap her silly or…?
Don’t test me, boy.
I’m not, I just, I honestly have no clue what you mean when you say you’re going to slap my mama silly when you know she�s long dead. I guess it must be code for something bad, I assume, so, y’know, maybe it doesn’t really matter but… Anyway, look, officer, I didn’t kill the girl in the picture. Uh, I don’t recognize her name, I don’t… I don’t recognize her face, I mean, I’m looking at her here and… now… okay, now, she doesn’t look dead in this picture.
The hell you talking about, boy, you give me that! That girl is dead as a doortail, boy! What the hell you think all that blood is! Blood’s supposed to be on the inside of yer body, boy, not the outside, smart ass!
Seems like, seems like you’re actually being the smart ass, first of all.
What! What the HELL’dyou just say to me!?
No, now listen, just… I know about the blood and all, but I’m pretty sure that’s fake blood, I… I’m pretty sure that’s part of a halloween costume or something. I mean, because also her eyes are open and she’s smiling and walking with other people down the street, and I mean, that’s clearly a candy bag there, and… y’know what I’m saying? About the open eyes? And the costumes? The kid dressed like Colin Powell and the two kids as a camel? Er� flesh-colored� car? Car I guess? No maybe that is a camel.
Hmmm. Now this may not be the wrong picture, I suppose, let me just look at this…
Do you mean that may not be the RIGHT picture, because you said “wrong”.
Wrong, right, wrong, right, lemme get a look at this damn picture without you yappin for five seconds!
I believe you may be right. I believe in this picture she may still be alive.
I mean… I mean, she’s definitely still alive in that picture. It’s very clear. Now don’t get mad, I’m just saying… Look, do you have another picture? From after the, uh, the murder?
No, now this is the only picture the crime scene folks gave me to work from.
Well… so did anybody actually see the body or anything?
Well, now, no I didn’t, because I was put on the case after the body had been found and aupopsied.
So, so what does the� well, the aupopsy, I guess, say?
Well, now, I haven’t seen that yet. That can take a while to process.
Uh… Well, I don’t really know anything about how you guys do investigations and stuff, but, like, how do you know this is even a case, you know what I mean? Like, how did you find out about the case in the first place?
Jeeesus, I don’t need to sit here and explain police procedural to you! But for your information, the picture got put on my desk, and then I proceeded with the investigation.
So… so you just found the picture on your desk and, and that’s it? Nobody talked to you about it or anything? There�s no file? No paperwork?
You obviously don’t know squat about what the hell you’re talkin about here, boy. You’re out of your league and you need to shut up and, and…
No, listen though. Just, just… Is it possible that picture is someone you know? Like, like is that maybe your daughter? On halloween?
I gotta get more sleep. Youc’n go, boy. I’m awful sorry about all this.
Right. Right. Okay. So… well, good luck with everything.
Well, thankyuh. I’m gonna go ahead and close this case up I�spose.
I… Right. I think that’s the thing to do.
Hey I’m Andy. One time my dad and me were walking over to where my mom works and a guy asked if my dad had a nickle and my dad said to get a job, so then today when Melanie Lippiter asked me if I had the fifty cents I owed her from when I borrowed fifty cents from her on Friday to buy root beer I said to get a job.
My mom said that my dad is a scoundrel and I told her I wanted to be a scoundrel when I grow up and she said a scoundrel is a bad thing to be but I didn’t care. My dad drinks whisky and I drink apple juice and he said when I’m older I can drink whisky. He said whisky tastes better than apple juice, and I drank some of the whisky once when Janet my babysitter was watching a movie but it was the wrong bottle because it tasted bad so I dumped it out and put apple juice in it so at least if dad ever accidentally drinks from that bottle he will get apple juice.
My drum teacher Mr. Tapper says I have the skills to pay the bills and that I’m a good drummer and that my parents don’t like me to practice at home because they like classical music. I asked my dad if he likes classical music and he said no he likes Bob Seeger. I told Mr. Tapper that and he said Bob Seeger is good. He’s going to teach me the song Night Moves for me to play for my dad.
On Monday at soccer practice Coach Miller said I have to throw some elbows and not to be afraid of the ball, and I said I wasn’t afraid of the ball and he said good. Then he told me and Sam and Andrew to stand in a line with our hands over our yankees and to try to block him from kicking the penalty kick, and when he kicked it I blocked it but it hit me in the face and I didn’t play any more and he said I didn’t have to and he gave me fifty cents to buy a coke but I bought a root beer. I asked him if it was okay that I bought a root beer not a coke and he said that was fine and he asked me how my nose felt and I said it stopped bleeding but it still hurt.
Sam got a dog for his birthday and I asked my mom if I could get a dog for my birthday and she said she would think about it so I asked my dad if I could get one and he said I could. I looked on AOL for different kinds of dogs so I could show my dad a picture of which one to get and I found the one I want and I showed it to him and he said I could get it:
I have to write a story for school and so I wrote one about my dog. His name is Rick. This is the story. One day Rick and Andy were walking to Sam’s house to play playstation when they saw a robber wearing a black mask and black clothes robbing Tina Applebaum’s house. They went over to the house and found out that the robbers had also kidnapped Tina so they followed them to their secret hideout in the woods.
At the hideout there were lots of guards so Rick and Andy had to sneak up on them. Rick bit the guards’ necks until they died and then Andy put them in a pit that Rick had dug. Then there were security cameras so Rick distracted them by running around while Andy threw chinese stars at the cameras, destroying the cameras with the chinese stars. Then since it was a long way from the entrance to the hideout to the area where the robbers lived, Andy and Rick took turns carrying each other. Andy rode on Rick’s back for a while while Rick ran as fast as he could, which was 85 miles per hour, then when Rick was tired Andy carried him.
At one part of the cave they had to go through a pitch black part and they couldn’t see anything but they could hear hissing all around. Then Rick said he could smell that they were surrounded by cats that wanted to attack them so Andy started a fire with some matches he remembered he had and sure enough there were 1000 black cats surrounding them. The cats were bigger than normal cats. They were one tenth the size of Rick instead of one fiftieth the size. They had blood on their fangs from the last people who tried to rescue someone who was kidnapped by the robbers and they were hissing and swatting at Andy and Rick.
That’s all I’ve finished. I have to turn it in next Monday after Thanksgiving break. For Thanksgiving we’re going to my grandma’s house in Urbana. Sometimes I like going there and sometimes I don’t. My grandma’s name is Myra. I used to like grandma’s cat Lucy but now Lucy bites you because she’s senile. Grandma makes pound cake that I like and also banana pudding with Nilla Wafers that I like. Dad said that grandma doesn’t respect him and mom said that’s because she tells grandma the things dad does.