A degree in Psychology — what to do with my life??

W.A.S! I have recently graduated from university and have no idea what I want to do with my life. I studied Psychology and got a good grade but I don’t want to do anything with it. Please help.

King Regards, Harry

Dear Harry: There are so, so, so many interesting jobs for you to consider. What an exciting crossroads you’ve come to! It is a crossroads with literally around four thousand different paths winding off in different directions. Pause for a second to picture that. You’re ambling down a dusty dirt road in 1300’s Europe, maybe even driving a couple of oxen from the back of a shitty old wagon. You round a small bend in the road and lean back against the reigns – “whoaaaaa…,” you tell your beasts. You gaze ahead, confused, slightly panicked. In front of you, peeling off from the main road you’ve been following for months now, lie over four thousand different paths. Which-the-hell one goes to Genoa, or wherever you’re off to?!?

Fortunately, Harry, that analogy isn’t entirely accurate. Whereas only one of those dusty trails led to Genoa, any of the exciting career paths now before you has the potential to lead to Happiness, Productivity, & Moderate Wealth (incidentally, the municipal motto of present day Genoa). Let’s take a look at some of the options:

  • Police Man: Help keep people safe by enforcing law and order.
  • Chef: Prepare food to nourish and delight customers.
  • Fisherman: Steal fish from Poseidon.
  • Commercial Airplane Pilot: Wear a uniform in the air.
  • School Teacher: Possess different colors of chalk and wear shoes to work.
  • Fashion Model: Inspire, inform, intrigue, and engage the public.
  • Government Official: Shepherd society toward a golden tomorrow.
  • Medical Doctor: Invent an army of super soldiers to destroy our enemies in other galaxies.
  • Scientist: Study voltage and pressure change.
  • Travel Host: Determine optimal programming for an evening film.
  • Waiter: Suggest alternatives to the usual gruel.
  • Researcher: Gather and sift through mountains of data to glean widely applicable truths.
  • Can Maker: Manufacture and ration cans.
  • Book Binder: Inspect bindings in a library environment to predict longevity.
  • Towel Merchant: Escort towels through the transition from wholesale to retail environments.
  • Mortgage Broker: Upgrade families from tent-like domiciles to more robust structures.

    • Still don’t see anything that seems right for you, Harry? That was just a tiny sampling of the many options available, friend — don’t lose hope! Perhaps you could own a business, operate a warehouse, or advise large companies. Why not become a sculptor, a minister, or a baseball agent? Not so fast! We haven’t even told you about shark hunters, racing form artists, and galleon henchmen. The point is, life’s full of a delirious array of options, and you really can’t go wrong. The salary for all the jobs we’ve mentioned so far is $1000, enough to keep you in chewing gum and candy cigarettes till you’re well into your eighties.

    Feeling better? Thought so. Hey, Harry, just do us one favor in return: let us know how it all turns out.

    Best,
    W.A.S.