Happy Halloween, Motherf*%k#@s

Hello! It’s been a nice Halloween season for motherf*%k#@s, we think you’ll agree. Here are a couple of season-appropriate images you can stare at for a minute to get yourself in the mood:

A squirrel fell from Heaven.
Birth of Athena.
St. Patrick's Day? Take a closer look... It really is Halloween-appropriate, reveals a closer look!

Now that you’re in a more satanic mood, we’d like to share with you some very good news: MTV didn’t cancel Steve Wants His Money!! We’re as surprised as you are – perhaps more so, since we’ve had longer to be convinced that cancellation was assured. But no, they didn’t cancel it at all, so episode two is going to air this Sunday at 22:55 on MTV in the UK. Just to tell you a little bit about this week’s show, it’s called “The £85 Beat” (or “Grandma’s Keyboard”) and it features hip hop sensation Kano. It’s two parts razzle, one part dazzle, and anybody who isn’t already hooked is probably going to remain unsure. People who already love SWH$ will not be dissuaded, though – that’s for certain.

The good news doesn’t end there. Next week – November 5, to be exact – Mr. Andy Burrows touches down in New York and the three of us resume work on the new record. Andy has been laying down hot meat (“tracking”, in industry-speak) for his solo record in London, but it’s time to take a break from that, and he knows it, and we all planned it in advance, so it’s not a big surprise or anything – it’s time to work on the W.A.S. record (tent. titled “Vagabond Marathonned”).

Finally, we’ve re-opened our Advice section. You’re invited to submit riddles, pleas for assistance, intellectual inquiries, and zen koans. We can’t be stumped! Not by people, anyway. Falcons drive us crazy with their capriciousness, their near-random behavior… You, however! You we know from first page to last. You we had figured out weeks ago. Try us.

Steve Wants His Money Premiers Tonight

Dear fans who can read,

Tonight is a big night for fans of short-form comedy that stars members of bands. That’s because at either 22:55 or 23:55 this evening, our emotionally sophisticated new show Steve Wants His Money premiers on MTV in the UK. (The reason for the confusion about air time is simply a matter of this show being so red-hot to the touch that the folks at MTV are having a hard time handling it! They sent an intern out to buy metaphorical oven mitts, but he’s hasn’t come back yet! So everybody keeps dropping our show in unpredictable places!)

So here are the specifics on how Steve show will roll out: every Sunday night for the next seven weeks a new episode will premier on MTV (the main channel, guys). Throughout the ensuing six days, the new episode will repeat on the various MTV networks: MTV, MTV2, Base, Hits, Dance and MTVR. We think the show is going to appear in programming guides, but it may appear as “We Are Scientists present… Steve Wants His Money” or simply “Lil MTV”, which is the umbrella name for MTV’s big foray into funny short programming.*

As we get more accurate info, we’ll feed it to this website and to Twitter and to the print version of Time Magazine. That includes details on when Steve show will be viewable outside the U.K. (shouldn’t be too long…). Anyway, take a look and let us know what you think in the comments section of this very goddamn post!

* Other shows that MTV has commissioned for Lil MTV include Snuffed Out Too Soon, a show about people, mostly homeless people, mostly kids, who were killed on camera in snuff films; and Nailed In The Caboose, a historical survey of famous men and women who at one time or another were sodomized. Snuffed Out Too Soon is hosted by Robbie Williams, and Nailed In The Caboose — we’ve heard — is being hosted by Jack White(!). Haven’t seen either, but they sound LOL.

Hey! Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! Hey!

What do you think of our new site, fans? Yes, it’s pretty spare. We want to openly admit as much right out of the box. “Right out of the box”? Is that the right phrase? That sounds pornographic as fuck. “Pornographic as the word ‘fuck'” is what we’re saying, just so you understand. Cuz guys, what’s more porno than fuckin? Right? Maybe knee sex. Oh, huh? Huh, huh? What’s that? You haven’t heard the latest? You haven’t heard about what people are doing in the back alleys? About what they’re doing when they get dog piss injected into their spines? Well, listen up: knee sex. That’s the latest.

Here’s the straight skinny: we’re so busy with making a new record and trying to break into the TV market that we have precious little time to maintain the kind of website that you have come to expect from us. So we’re downscaling. JUST FOR THE TIME BEING, YOU JERKS! GIVE US A BREAK, YOU FIVE DUDES WHO READ OUR WEBSITE!

You see, as we make the record this fall, and blast open the TV industry’s doors, our wearescientists.com is undergoing a major overhaul. Come late December or early January — call it January 1st! Come January 1st (or earlier or later), we will introduce the biggest and best website since AltaVista.com. AltaVista.com — never forget! — is the website that brought everybody searchable yogurt. Our new site will be no less significant. Indeed, it will feature a nostalgic yogurt search function, in addition to show dates, ticket links, pictures of puma butts, animés of knee sex, and all the rest of the stuff you associate with Microsoft and We Are Scientists, as well as Sears.

In the meantime, a word of advice? Read our blog. Look at (and subscribe to) our Twitter feed (see sidebar). Buy our shitty junk off our merch page — also, just in time for Christmas, check out our soon-to-be-introduced junky shit, on the same page (see that sidebar!). AND: live your life! Yes, live your life! Because in two months or so, WAS.com is going to relaunch, and it’s going to subsume Google and BarnesandNoble.com and all the rest, and you’re going to be spending *five hours a day talking on the phone to your friends about our website*. So take this little bit of time now, while we’re offering it. Start a hobby! You won’t have time to master it — hell no — but you can start something and figure out whether it’s something you’d like to casually pretend to be into when you’re chatting at bars.

Finally: Stay tuned for major news in the next day or two. About us, that is! Obviously you can go to the marvelous nytimes.com or yahoo.com/googlenews any day of the week and find major news. But by week’s end, you can expect a little bit of local major news, if you see what we mean.