Scenes from the Boda Dome: Interrogation (Central Security archive 611.8.2t.nov/24/114)
Tell us how it went down, Nick. It’s time to start talking.
I didn’t kill her.
The hell you didn’t, talk!
I killed her. I killed her.
You– Aha! You killed her! You admit it!
I’m kidding. I didn’t kill her. I don’t even know her.
So why did you say you DID kill her just now!
I don’t… I was kidding. It was sarcasm.
Or a fraudian slip!
Uh… hm. Did you say fraudian slip?
Damn right I did, college boy! It means you actually meant what you said, even if you think it was just a joke! It means deep down inside every accident there’s a kermal of intent!
� � I’ve heard of a “Freudian slip”, which I think is what you mean, and it doesn’t really apply to this situation since I didn’t slip, I deliberately made a joke. But did you just say kermal? Kermal of intent?
It’s FRAUDian slip, as in FRAUD. What the hell is a FROYD? And yes, I said kermal of intent. You gonna tell me it’s kermal of inTOINT? I’m about sick and–
–tired of you sittin there with your–
It’s kernel. Kernel of intent.
You had intent right, but there’s no such word as kermal. I don’t think.
Listen, college boy. You need to start talkin to me in a candid mammer, or I am flat going to slap your mama silly!
A candid manner. I… my mother’s dead, so I guess I don’t…
I know your mama’s dead, I read your file. That isn’t what I’m talkin about doin’ here, I�m sayin’ I’m gonna slap your mama silly if you don’t start talkin to me, now talk!
Okay but… you’re like, going to dig up her body and slap her silly or…?
Don’t test me, boy.
I’m not, I just, I honestly have no clue what you mean when you say you’re going to slap my mama silly when you know she�s long dead. I guess it must be code for something bad, I assume, so, y’know, maybe it doesn’t really matter but… Anyway, look, officer, I didn’t kill the girl in the picture. Uh, I don’t recognize her name, I don’t… I don’t recognize her face, I mean, I’m looking at her here and… now… okay, now, she doesn’t look dead in this picture.
The hell you talking about, boy, you give me that! That girl is dead as a doortail, boy! What the hell you think all that blood is! Blood’s supposed to be on the inside of yer body, boy, not the outside, smart ass!
Seems like, seems like you’re actually being the smart ass, first of all.
What! What the HELL’dyou just say to me!?
No, now listen, just… I know about the blood and all, but I’m pretty sure that’s fake blood, I… I’m pretty sure that’s part of a halloween costume or something. I mean, because also her eyes are open and she’s smiling and walking with other people down the street, and I mean, that’s clearly a candy bag there, and… y’know what I’m saying? About the open eyes? And the costumes? The kid dressed like Colin Powell and the two kids as a camel? Er� flesh-colored� car? Car I guess? No maybe that is a camel.
Hmmm. Now this may not be the wrong picture, I suppose, let me just look at this…
Do you mean that may not be the RIGHT picture, because you said “wrong”.
Wrong, right, wrong, right, lemme get a look at this damn picture without you yappin for five seconds!
I believe you may be right. I believe in this picture she may still be alive.
I mean… I mean, she’s definitely still alive in that picture. It’s very clear. Now don’t get mad, I’m just saying… Look, do you have another picture? From after the, uh, the murder?
No, now this is the only picture the crime scene folks gave me to work from.
Well… so did anybody actually see the body or anything?
Well, now, no I didn’t, because I was put on the case after the body had been found and aupopsied.
So, so what does the� well, the aupopsy, I guess, say?
Well, now, I haven’t seen that yet. That can take a while to process.
Uh… Well, I don’t really know anything about how you guys do investigations and stuff, but, like, how do you know this is even a case, you know what I mean? Like, how did you find out about the case in the first place?
Jeeesus, I don’t need to sit here and explain police procedural to you! But for your information, the picture got put on my desk, and then I proceeded with the investigation.
So… so you just found the picture on your desk and, and that’s it? Nobody talked to you about it or anything? There�s no file? No paperwork?
You obviously don’t know squat about what the hell you’re talkin about here, boy. You’re out of your league and you need to shut up and, and…
No, listen though. Just, just… Is it possible that picture is someone you know? Like, like is that maybe your daughter? On halloween?
I gotta get more sleep. Youc’n go, boy. I’m awful sorry about all this.
Right. Right. Okay. So… well, good luck with everything.
Well, thankyuh. I’m gonna go ahead and close this case up I�spose.
I… Right. I think that’s the thing to do.