Hey, people. Sorry we're being

Hey, people. Sorry we’re being so lazy about this EP business. We’re not holding out on you here . . .well, yes. Yes, we are holding out on you here, but just for a second. So let us hold out on you for like just a few more precious seconds, and then, just as fruits and grains and beef chunks spill forth from the horn of plenty, so will our CDs spill forth from a dispenser that Michael has affixed above his bed to allow for the easy disbursement of CDs to the ladyvisitors of his chamber.
So, seriously – we’re just trying to hash through a little bit of last-minute business on these things, and then they’ll be up for grabs. Could be simply a matter of days. But just so you know, here’s the details on this guy:
It’s called: We Are Scientists In Action
It features these songs in this order: Selective Memory, Coming Clean, That One Pop Gem, Riffmaster B, Secret Handshake, Bomb Inside the Bomb.
If you have heard any of these songs before, we promise that they sound better on this album than they sounded when last you heard them, unless you’ve heard us play them live, because, live, we are unbeatable, even by our own studio-selves. We are unbeatable!!!
Which reminds us: people in California will soon have their fill of us, as our West Coast tourlet begins next week. Check out the shows page. There will be more updates to that page as more shows are finalized, so keep checking. If you live in SoCal (or, hell, NoCal) and want to see us play and for some fucked up, scrambled-priorities reason can’t make it to one of these shows, let us know, and we’ll come to your house and play for you or cook for you or model the latest fashions for you. Just tempt us.

This glimpse into future

This glimpse into the future.
As glimpses into the future go, this one is uncommonly crystalline. A monkey, it is predicted, will be able to get hooked up to a complex apparatus and control a robotic arm with his mind. We will have to teach the monkey to flex his mind through a Dumbo’s Magic Feather sort of goof involving a joystick that isn’t hooked up to anything, but once he gets the hang of it this monkey never forgets.
The implications are exciting. If we can teach a monkey to control a robotic arm with his mind, that gives him three total arms with which to labor. And if he can control one robotic arm with his mind, then why not two; and if two, then why not three; and if three, then why not three hundred. Ultimately we may be able to hook a single monkey up to all of the hundreds of machines that build cars on an assembly line and ask him to comport them all in perfect symbiotic order. More likely and equally useful would be a Monkey Digging Unit, or MDU. An MDU would feature a single monkey’s marshmallow brain as the nerve center for a vast network of digging arms, all working to dig one big hole, such as a mine, or many smaller holes, as might prove useful to farmers. So the monkey could be digging away like crazy with his own two little fuzzy arms, and then also he’d be surrounded by thousands of gleaming robot arms scooping furiously toward the same goal.
A single monkey could now wait tables for an entire very large restaurant.
One monkey could clean all the streets in New York.
One monkey could comb miles of beach for a lost bauble.
A single monkey could simultaneously give himself high-fives a thousand times over.

Quentin Tarantino's "Kill Bill"

The following filmmakers are hereby invited to place a pistol in their mouths and do the honorable thing:
Robert Rodriguez
That is all.

An Honest-to-Goodness Email Received by the We Are Scientists

An Honest-to-Goodness Email Received by the We Are Scientists, Which We Are Pretty Sure Illuminates the General Demeanor and Standard Listening Habits of the Average WAS Fan, and Which Might Serve as a Convenient Template for Any Individual Who’s Contemplating Sending Personal Messages to the Band.
From : [address hidden for the sake of sender’s politcal career, which – we don’t think it’s too revealing to confess – is already in full Congressional swing]

To : wearescientists@hotmail.com

Subject : possibly naked

Date : Sat, 27 Sep 2003 02:01:24 -0700

we are four girls sitting in a room, possibly naked, listening to your
cd and we think you are really talented. we knew this before, of course,
but we fully appreciate this fact now. because who else can write music
that four girls, possibly naked, can listen to in a room at nearly 2am
and sing along. good job. you are excellent human beings and you’re all
good rappers too. looking forward to october 24 with intense
anticipation. good job, keith, alone at the grove house – you were
great. we hope you rap too and that michael tapper does some freestyle
and that chris cain tells a dead baby joke and also do weezer because el
scorcho rocks as does the beyonce song minus the jay z part. and also
tatu. this is very important to us.

we are fans. obviously. ps that was a play on the name of your band. in
case you missed that.

also, we really like your new song. even though one of us didn’t
actually hear it, we all know it’s good. really good. something about
“don’t leave i’m blacking out but it’s been fun”

p.s. here is a proposed set list:

please play
spotomatic freeze (it really did work acoustic), and also mothra, and
also the method and country livin’.

we hope you have a fun day, possibly naked.

four girls, in a room, at 2am, listening to your cd. drunk. and possibly

A whole lot of this

A whole lot of this going on lately:

A sign at the Brooklyn UPS pick-up center

The sign reads: “Please Have ID With Name and Adderss. Packages Can Only Be Given Out To Cusomers Which Whom They Belong To” (sic).
That sign totally fucking sucks.